One Year in Texas' Person of the Year: Katy Perry

By Jake

Every year One Year in Texas chooses one person who made the biggest impact in the calendar year via secret ballot.  This year we chose Katy Perry from a long list of people who outperformed all others.  Congratulations, Katy.  You deserved this.

I recently had my life absolutely shattered and rebuilt while watching a wonderful film.  That film: “Katy Perry Part of Me.”  In this film we see the ups and downs of Katy Perry’s tour for her classic album “Teenage Dream.”  When her marriage to Russell Brand falls apart on screen, our marriages fall apart in real life.  When she cries, we cry.  We she sings, we sing along with her fantastically crafted pop songs.  When she sprays the audience with a Faygo gun, we get drenched in the cheap, sweet soda.  This is why Katy Perry is the One Year in Texas Person of the Year.

Katy was raised by strict Pentecostal parents and everything she experienced in her early life was related to God.  She even recorded a gospel album when she was younger.  Her life changed when she first heard Alanis Morrisette’s classic hit about Dave Coulier “You Oughtta Know.”  Most of us were raised in a similar situation.  Getting confirmed at gunpoint, being forced to eat part of Jesus’ body as an attempt by our parents to turn us into cannibals, and joining an all female Christian barber shop quartet.

Once Katy became old enough to think for herself, she decided to team up with the hit pop mega producers The Matrix.  Thankfully, those songs were not big hits and the album was shelved.  The Matrix is known for ruining Liz Phair and making Avril Lavigne--two criminal offenses.  If President Obama cared about white people music he would probably have The Matrix detained in Guantanamo Bay.  When Katy dropped off of Columbia records and signed with Capitol Music Group her life, career and our lives would never be the same.

Let’s skip past the cock-teasing hit “I Kissed a Girl” and straight to the 2010 release of “Teenage Dream.”  This album is so strong and loaded with hits that it is still relevant two years after dropping.  Katy Perry became the female artist with the most amount of number one singles from an album.  In 2012, she was still gaining chart success with singles from this album and she released a great propaganda movie called “Part of Me.”  If she keeps up this pace, she is destined to become One Year in Texas’s Person of the Decade.

In 2012, who had a better year?  Ryback?  CM Punk?  John Cena?  Dolph Ziggler?  Adam Lanza?  Sheamus?  The Big Show?  I don’t think so.  Katy Perry outperformed all of them.  Her film made $32 million.  Her album is still tearing up the charts and producing singles.  She is a superstar.  She writes her own songs.  She is the real deal, people.  Embrace Katy Perry.