Our Take with Sarah and Jake (Soy Milk and Twitter Followers)

By Sarah and Jake


In Our Take with Sarah and Jake, we will be giving our meandering opinions on the most pressing, hot button issues of the day, from politics to religion to Papa Shango's evil goo. We're like Jay Leno, without the hilarious newspaper headlines.

Soy Milk
Jake: A lot of people claim that soy milk raises your estrogen levels and causes cancer.  Is this true?  The Weston A. Price Foundation believes that it is, and that is the only place telling you so.  They are a pro-meat, pro-milk foundation, and they probably drink the blood of children--but that last one is just conjecture.  It is probably as true, if not more true, than soy being bad for you.

That being said, soy milk is pretty gross.  It has a chalky taste that I find pretty unpleasant.  It is okay in mashed potatoes, but not great.  It does a pretty poor job of making pudding, due to its fat content.  I do not drink soy milk.  I do not drink cow’s milk.  I am probably lactose intolerant.  When I drink milk or eat iced cream, I get a stomach ache and get pretty bad gas.  Instead I drink and use almond milk.

Almonds are great in nut form and pretty good as milk, too.  Chocolate almond milk is very delicious.  It isn’t chalky like soy milk and doesn’t make me feel like Baron Von Raschke has my stomach in the deadly claw hold.  Fuck soy milk.  Almond milk is the way to go.  Other soy products: tofu, edamame and soy hotdogs are pretty great.

Sarah:  Soy milk is the milk Satan serves to the newest members of Hell as a form of hazing. I think it is gross. However, I think it is good for you. I think it’s a fun alternative for people who are Lactose Intolerant or don’t like the mucus they get from drinking a lot of cow’s milk. Soy milk does have a weird taste and grainy aftertaste. I could never eat cereal with soy milk because it would be like eating peanut butter and jelly with whole pecans instead of peanut butter - annoying and stupid. Maybe whole pecans mesh well with jelly, but I don’t think they would.

I find that a good alternative to cow’s milk is coconut milk. I can’t really stand the taste of almond milk. It makes me thirstier and never seems to actually get cold. Coconut milk tastes awesome and is great with granola. But do not - I repeat, DO NOT - try to use coconut milk on a cereal like Lucky Charms. You will be very mad.

Twitter Followers
Sarah (@Saashleyy): Jake and I do have a lot of Twitter followers. However, I feel that Jake has earned his more nobly. Most of mine follow me because I am friends with some famous people. I am famous by association - tweens and milfs follow me and @ me and retweet me. This is neither here nor there, good nor bad. Like tweens and milfs, it just is what it is. Twitter followers used to make me feel guilty - I would feel guilty if someone followed me who I didn’t want to follow back. For a while I just followed anyone who followed me. When all the tweens and milfs started following me, I had to stop being nice and realized that all I wanted to see in my Twitter feed was comedians, news, and pics of my dog uploaded by my sister. I did not want to see updates about boyz, homework, or Skinny Girl Margarita.

Twitter is super personal (you can follow famous people’s thoughts) and also really impersonal (if you have zero followers, only the internet hears your tweets). I don’t take it personally if someone doesn’t want to follow me. But you should follow me! @Saashleyy

Jake (@jakefm):  Out of all of the One Year in Texans, Sarah and I have the most followers.  Of course, I have more followers (nearly three times more).  Following people on Twitter is just as important as the followers and is a great way to gain followers.  Not quality followers, mind you, but followers nevertheless.  I rarely get retweeted, unless it’s by Bryan (@bryanrh), Ryan (@rwoodsmall) or Glenn (@glenn_ebooks).  I also get tweeted by people who like country music because there’s a DJ named JakeFM (my twitter handle is @jakefm).
I love Twitter.  It’s a great place to shit out short jokes that pop into your mind.  I have a problem with writing jokes down when they come to me, so it’s nice to have a toilet to defecate them into.  Plus, you can tweet offensive things to celebrities and brands (which Ryan does superbly).  If used correctly, Twitter can be a fantastic tool in a comedians bag, or it can be merely a vapid, moronic list of things you have done in a day.  The power of Twitter is in your hands, what you choose to do with it is the ultimate test.