By Bub
To: ".." <..@yahoo.com>
Hello Dearest One,
This letter might come to you as a surprise ,Please I apologies to you to exercise a little patience and read through my letter I feel quite safe dealing with you in this important business having gone through your remarkable profile, I will really like to have a good relationship with you and I have a special reason why I decided to contact you, I decided to contact you due to the urgency of my situation, My name is Jenny Kipkalya Kones, 24yrs old female and I held from Kenya in East Africa.
My father was the former Kenyan road Minister. He and Assistant Minister of Home Affairs Lorna Laboso had been on board the Cessna 210, which was headed to Kericho and crashed in a remote area called Kajong'a, in western Kenya. You can read more about the crash through the below:
site:http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/africa/06/10/kenya.crash/index.html
After the burial of my father, my stepmother and uncle conspired and sold my father's property which the shared the money among themselves and live nothing for me. One faithful morning, I opened my father's briefcase and found out the documents which he have deposited huge amount of money in one bank in Burkina Faso with my name as the next of kin. I travelled to Burkina Faso to withdraw the money for a better life so that I can take care of myself and start a new life, on my arrival in Burkina Faso since is a nearby country , the Bank Director whom I met in person told me that my father's instruction to the bank is that the money would only be release to me when I am married or present a trustee foreigner who will help me and invest the money overseas. I am in search of an honest and reliable person who will help me and stand as my foreign trustee so that I will present him to the Bank for transfer of the money to his bank account overseas. I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and I believe that you will not betray my trust.
You may wonder why I am so soon revealing myself to you without knowing you, To me I will say that my spirit and mind convinced me that you may be the true person to help me, I will like to disclose much to you if you can help me to relocate to your country because my stepmother have threaten many times to assassinate me due to her wickedness and jealousy’s because she has no issue for my father since she was married after the accident that killed my mother years back, The amount is( $4.5 Million USD )Four Million five hundred thausand United State Dollars, and I have confirmed from the bank in Burkina Faso on my arrival.
You will also help me to place the money in a more profitable business venture in your Country. However, you will help by recommending a nice University in your country so that I can complete my studies. It is my intention to compensate you with 30% of the total money for your efforts and kindness services and the balance shall be my capital in your establishment. As soon as I receive your positive response showing your interest I will inform the bank that am ready to present the foreign trustee who will receive the fund on my behalf.
I am a Christian and I believe in God. Please do keep this only to your self for now until the bank will transfer the fund. I beg you not to disclose it till I come over because I am afraid of my stepmother who has threatened to kill me and have the money alone ,I thank God Today that am out from my country (KENYA) but now In (Burkina Faso) where my father deposited these money with my name as the next of Kin. Thanks for your patient and understanding hope to hear from you .God Bless.
Please reply through this email address(jennykipkalya99@gmail.com)
Yours Sincerely,
Miss Jenny Kipkalya Kones.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dearest Jenny,
The answer is yes: I will marry you. God must have been listening because at the exact same time you were praying about contacting me, I too was praying - praying that an orphaned Kenyan girl would flee assassination attempts by her stepmother to Burkina Faso where she would be forced to marry me to inherit her father's money. Our prayers have both been answered.
Now, I realize that the bank presented you the option of either being married or having a 'trustee foreigner' to assist you in investing your father's money but let me advise you that despite their reputation, not all foreigners are eminently trustworthy. I would feel much more comfortable for your sake and mine if I were your husband and not simply a trustee foreigner. If I were the latter I would be vested with fiduciary responsibilities that I would be uncomfortable shouldering having become so recently acquainted with you. As your husband I wouldn't be forced by law into prudence or diligence and could be as careless with our investments as I am with my own. I know that my risk-taking behavior and financial, and general, incompetence are part of what attracted you to me to begin with and would not what those qualities fettered by legal proscription.
This letter comes as no surprise at all, as I've already mentioned I've been praying for it to come constantly. That CNN article has served as my homepage on Google Chrome for years now. The only time that I have spent not praying for this letter's arrival was the time I took to post remarkable profiles on every Burkina Faso-based international money laundering social network I could find, including the once popular MySpace which has devolved into a site that specifically fits into such a category. I did take about an hour and a half once to watched three taped episodes of the television program 'Yes, Dear' without fast-forwarding through the commercials. I apologize for that - to you, and, to the world at large.
The praying so consumed my life that I was fired from my job, my library card and stormfront.org membership card were both revoked, and my cat began dating outside of her race. I stopped looking her in the eye after she brought home a cat I suspected of being Portuguese. Things only got worse from there, and the short of it is that I am now sleeping in my driveway because my entire house has become infested with the stench of mongrel cat urine and paella.
Either my prayers were to be answered and I would receive this very email or I would be doomed. It's the only way to guarantee the achievement of a goal - if I had the built in safety net of a job and a life not ruled over by miscegenous felines I know my effort might have topped out at 99% when I needed the full hundred to succeed.
And succeed I have. I will book my flight to Ougadougou post haste, and from there we will dodge your step-mother's bullets together in marital bliss. A small matter first - as I've mentioned I have no money at present and will be booking a rather expensive international flight, but no matter because we're in luck - you wont believe this but my father just died and left a large inheritance, the only problem is that he stipulated that a $500 irony fee be paid by a Kenyan refugee before I'd get access to the funds. Reply with your bank account information and I'll set up the wire. Until then I'll be longing for your embrace.
Your Dearest One,
Bub
fucking LOVE this. Please let me be at this wedding.
ReplyDelete