Kitchen Nightmare

By Bub

 You walk into a kitchen that is overgrown with jungle vegetation.  It is dark, not too dark to see, but dark enough that you cannot make out what the rustling is in the canopy.

You walk up to a counter and prepare to dice cilantro for your cilantro-mint mousse beignets.  You lay the cilantro on the cutting board and reach toward the knife block to retrieve a knife.

The rustling crescendos then abruptly halts.  The cilantro screams, sprouts legs and runs off.  Two darts shoot out from the vicinity of where the rustling had been and both stick in your neck.

You immediately feel nauseous, you vomit, then you feel euphoric.  You begin to hallucinate and you see the process of photosynthesis occur in the kitchen jungle plants at a molecular level.  You see the photons of light and particles of carbon dioxide ingested by the leaves and watch the nutrients sapped up from the soil by the roots.

You become omnisciently aware of the complex underground root system that covers the earth and you trace it down further, and further until you hit earth’s fiery core and you suddenly combust.  As you are burning you realize that all humanity, all conscious life, is just insignificant compost existing for the purpose of dying and fueling our vegetative overlords.

Your teeth fall out, and you are standing naked in front of a high school classroom.  Populating the desks are sprigs of mint with looks of shock and embarrassment on their faces.