My son is into rap music, but I just don’t get it.
Is it like spoken word poetry with swears? Could you please explain
the appeal of rap music to me?
-Rappin’ Roger
Dear Rappin' Roger,
Yes. Rap is spoken word poetry with swears - BUT
ONLY IF THE SWEARS ADD SOMETHING TO THE LYRICS. Rap music is about
passion and expressing that which cannot be expressed in any other way (things like wealth,
fortune, power, money, butts, etc.). Instead of booing your son's choice of music, try
listening to even one rap song without breaking down and crying for the beauty
of it. I literally dare you not to move your hips or grab your crotch as the
music flows through you. Rap is definitely spoken word poetry with swears - to a beat.
Right. Right. I forgot about the beat part. There's a beat to it.
IT'S ABOUT WORD PLAY AND HONESTY. Rap is beautiful
because you can say "She can f*** all night" and it's talking about
love. In a new way. A beautiful way.
RAP IS OUR ANCESTORS TURNING THEIR TURMOIL INTO
MUSIC! Well, not MY ancestors. My ancestors were German and English and
actually were probably pretty mean to the poor folks in Germany and England
back in the day. They probably caused more turmoil than turned it.... but a lot
of enslaved people sang the blues and told rhythmic tales over drum beats to
keep the mood light when things were rough. That turned into rap. And my
ancestors turned into bird food when they were executed for trying to
assassinate other members of the royal family.
Try listening to 2Pac or Sisqo. You'll soon
understand why RAP is such an amazing art form.
BEAT BEAT BEAT BEAT,
Sarah
Sarah,
Kevin Sorbo here. You might
remember me in the title roll in Hercules: The Legendary Journey and Kull the
Conquerer. I recently read an article on One Year in Texas (great site
BTW) that mentioned me several times, which was very flattering. I was
wondering why your article hasn’t mentioned me yet. I skimmed your posts
to see if my name was mentioned and it wasn’t. Do you dislike me?
Your friends seem to enjoy my body of work, why don’t you?
-Kevin Sorbo
Dear Kevin Sorbo,
I had to Google you. My impressions
of your "official" "website" were (in order):
Cool movie reel graphic up top! He's
obviously been in the pictures.
He's an actor.
He wrote a book called True
Strength. On the cover his hair and shirt are quite youthful.
The 'What's New' and 'Latest News' links on the
side bar are redundant.
Where are the photos? I keep clicking 'Photos' and it takes me to more links to click for photos.
Personal photos of your Hawaii
vacation? Now I feel creepy.
'Andromeda'? Oh, cool. An entire page
devoted to a character you played. What a nice 6-line poem you wrote about that
character. I like that you rhymed 'eyes' with 'goodbyes'.
Click 'Hercules'... Whoa. Was he
actually Hercules or did he just play him on TV? (Does he actually know the
answer to this??)
Acting must be hard. I bet people really lose themselves in their characters a lot.
Click 'TV/Film' credits. Question marks
make you look dumb, dude.
Click 'Fan Clubs' and... it says you
don't have any fan clubs. Just delete that page, dude. You don't need to
advertise that.
How often do you send emails out to
your mailing list?
I'm glad you like One Year In Texas.
I'm really sorry I'm just getting to know you. Maybe it's because I'm so much
younger than my friends. Who knows? Hercules might.
Awkwardly,
Sarah
Sarah, my wizardress,
I am a wizard. I can cast spells on anyone.
Is it wrong to cast sleep spells on my child when she doesn’t want to go
to sleep? Is it okay to cast a charm spell on a new client at work or
should I try to win her over using my own skills? The ethics of wizardry
is very undeveloped so I have come to you.
Also, how can I log into my yahoo email?
Thanks,
- Wizard Wes
Dear Wizard Wes,
It's cool that your profession and your name allow
you alliteration - you will have great success in life because people find
those names catchy (Marilyn Monroe, Ronald Reagan, Bob Barker). Congrats with some jealousy.
As far as the wizard ethics go, it's hard for me to
say since I only recently read Harry Potter and am still letting the seventh
book sink in. It was very troubling and a lot happened in that last chapter
that I skimmed because I just really wanted to find out if Voldemort killed
Harry. My instincts say don't use your skills for anything bad, but my other
self says, What is bad? What is good? We can never know. All I know is that a
screaming child is the worst thing in the world and if a sleep spell is what it takes to not miss Conan's opening monologue, then a sleep spell it is.
You mention charm spells. I will assume these are
different than sleep spells. With a name like Wizard Wes and your knack for
alliteration, I would say try to charm the client at work on your own. Be
charming instead of charm spelling. Just, don't mention you don't know how to
work your Yahoo mail. Just put your phone number on your business card and
write, "Texts ONLY Please". They'll get it.
Ethics Methics,
Sarah
PS- Did you see I wrote METHics??
Hey, thanks for the tips on fixing my website. The guy I got to design it ripped me off, I think. Hercules was a really popular TV show. I played the character "Hercules," and even appeared on a few crossover episodes of "Xena." It was a good time in my life, but when you're Kevin Sorbo you don't have a lot of bad times.
ReplyDeleteSarah this is great but you better help Wes log into his Yahoo Mail or he's going to cast a spell on you!
ReplyDeleteMETHics usually relates to the rules of conduct while smoke Meth. Do you use a lightbulb? Do you pass it after one hit or two? Is it really a social drug?
ReplyDeleteThis article is extremely funny. Funnier than the last episode of "Last Man Standing" I watched, that's for sure.
Now I know where rap and Kevin Sorbo came from!!! Well, maybe not where Kevin Sorbo came from but where he is coming from - a place of desperate neediness and insecurity!! Sincerely Sarah is great!
ReplyDelete