Principal Dave Larson's Morning Announcement

By Scott N
 

REMEMBER Dave, keep the tone light.  You’re not their dad. You’re Noah’s.

REMEMBER: Avoiding coughing.

Good morning, students (guys?), this is Mr. Larson.  (Um?) I just wanted to make a particularly specific announcement today for the seniors who will be leaving this afternoon for Cancun.  I, personally, have found myself, in life, to somewhat of a world traveler.  This includes France even.  Vacation experience is, to me now, a third arm of mine, so to speak.  Indulge me, if you will, to just share a few pointers aimed to help YOU (got to emphasize) YOU all on your trip.

• Firstly, THERE WILL BE WAITING AT THE AIRPORT.  If this was gin rummy, I’d throw Noah’s car fund into the kitty, knowing I’d win it all back because I would be on the side of “YOU WILL WAIT AT THE AIRPORT.” So bring a book or another tight-space activity to occupy your time.
• I’ve been on the “oops” side of trying to bring outlawed items onboard an aircraft.  For me, it was a pair of binoculars that had a compartment for a wedding ring in them.  Don’t even think about bringing something like that to customs. As a “would-it-fly” compass, just think, “Could I bring this into the gym for a girls volleyball game?”
• Watch the film they show aboard the plane.  It’s truly one of those life moments you will never (emphasize) forget. Truly.
• Also, in addition to behaving like an adult on the airplane, eat the meal that they’ll serve you.  Why? Well, in Cancun the meat has candy in it and the candy has meat in it.  Hungry? (probably a nice place for a pause/possible laugh)
• Vultures are not birds in places like Cancun, they are bird-like people who prey on tourists and their food and water is the money of said tourists.  If you want to buy a t-shirt with all the sex positions on it, be ready to haggle.  Also, be ready to throw the shirt away before a chaperone sees it and trashes it on his or her own.  I DON’T THINK THOSE POSITIONS ARE FUNNY.
• Not a well known tip for vacationers, but: avoid paying gratuity to a waiter or other service representative, they’ll only perceive it to be a down payment for a hair-braiding.
• Please swim. Please, swim. Gulf waters are underrated, and not nearly as salty as Noah claimed them to be when we were in the Dominican Republic. (another laugh possibly, take a moment)
• Now, marijuana is out there.  So before you decide to play Cheech and Butthead or Kumar and Jackass show or whatever, think about what your summer vacation will be like in solitary confinement cell next to Little Wayne.
• Have fun.  College doesn’t have these memories.
• Lastly, just have to repeat: Have fun. (this is going to send seniors into laughter/hysteria pull way back for outro)

Ok guys.  The bus, excuse me, CHARTER bus (one last decent pop?) will leave as close to 5:15 as it can.  Thank you, and again, good morning.