Untertainment Weakly (5-13-2011)

By Jake 

CSI star Marg Helgenberger called Justin Bieber a brat. This is big fucking news on the internet. God bless America.

Mel Gibson’s return to film, “The Beave,” was a gigantic bomb.

Comedy Central lines up Kid Rock for the subject of their next roast, sticking to their rule that every roastee be somebody who has had sexual intercourse with Pamela Anderson.

Bristol Palin is going to star in a new reality series on the BIO network, in which she moves in with "Dancing With the Stars," cast mate Kyle Massey and his brother Christopher.

Alec Baldwin has dropped out of the movie adaptation of “Rock of Ages.” Thank God.

Zooey Deschanel's sitcom pilot, "The New Girl, was picked up by Fox. Cancelled by Fox are 'Human Target,' Lie to Me,' 'The Chicago Code,' 'Traffic Light' and 'Breaking In.'

Mos Def and Colin Hanks are joining the next season of “Dexter.”

Mary Tyler Moore is undergoing brain surgery.

Ashton Kutcher will be replacing Charlie Sheen on “Two and a Half Men.” As if they needed to give me another reason not to watch this stupid ass show.

NBC has picked up Christina Applegate’s sitcom! Set your VCR!

NBC has also renewed “Parenthood” and “Harry’s Law.” They have passed on “Wonder Woman,” and, really, who fucking cares?

Ryan Murphy said that they’re killing a character off of “Glee” for the season finale.

Movies Out Today
Bridesmaids - All right, this movie sort of sounds bad to me simply because of its title. Yet, it does have some really funny women in it: Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph and Comedy Death Ray/Comedy Bang Bang favorite Jessica St. Claire. Ebert gave this film ***1/2! He might be knocking on death’s door, but he can still enjoy a comedy about marriage. I don’t know, I guess this is probably worth seeing. How many even decent comedies come out these days? This is probably going to be better than “Hangover 2.”

Priest - Finally, a movie about a priest that murders people instead of molesting deaf children. Priest is set in an alternate Earth where religion is outlawed. The Priest is he only man who is bold enough to spread the word of the lord and the blood of the non-believers across the pavement. Seriously, though, this movie looks so fucking stupid. If you go see this and tell me you enjoyed it, I will probably make fun of you for being an idiot.


Other Thoughts
I have mixed feelings about “Wonder Woman” not being picked up. On one hand, it’s probably good because reboots are worthless, but I don’t exactly feel the same way about TV Shows and superhero projects, especially since superhero movies/shows are based on a source material, comic books. I think “Wonder Woman” would have done well in the ratings. NBC could really use a hit, and they must be worried because “The Cape” and “Heroes” sort of bombed eventually. I think the problem with those shows is they didn’t have a build in audience, but “Wonder Woman” has plenty of thirteen-year-old boys, lesbians and grown men who want to fuck her. I bet there is a petition out there to get “Wonder Woman” on the air. It probably would be a bad show, but the pilot will leak to the internet and people will love it. Wait and see.