Untertainment Weakly (5-06-2011)

By Jake 

Sony may rescue “All My Children” and “One Life to Live.” I do not watch these shows, but support them being on the air, as long as nobody makes me watch them.

Quentin Tarantino has announced his next film, “Django Unchained,” which will undoubtedly be to Spaghetti Westerns what Kill Bill was to Kung Fu flicks. The original Django is among my favorite Westerns and is streaming on Netflix right now.

Mariah Carey had fucking twins!

“Fast Five” made a ton of money, over $80 million!

Judge Judy has signed a deal to keep her show on until 2015! That’s three years after the Mayans allegedly predicted the world to end. I say allegedly because who can read one of those stupid fucking calendars?

“Bones” is coming back for a seventh season.

Your nightmares have become a reality: “Sister Act” is headed to Broadway.

Movies Out Today
Thor - The classic Greek myth/god comes to life in this big screen adaptation of his life. See him deal with his father Zeus, marvel as he controls thunder or whatever it is that he does and watch as he fights Stringer Bell from The Wire as he tries to deal heroin. This movie has a bit of everything for polytheists and fans of The Wire. Personally, I can’t wait to see Stringer Bell have guys sling dope in glorious 3D. This is the first must-see film this year, unless this isn’t the real plot.

Something Borrowed - Hey, another shit romantic comedy starring Kate Hudson. I guess this is to syphon off the women who aren’t going to see Thor. Kate Hudson needs a husband, but she is single. In an update on the classic Adam Sandler/Jennifer Aniston film “Just Go With It,” Hudson borrows her bff’s husband in order to get a membership to an exclusive country club she has just been dying to get into. This country club is seriously fucking good, so it is pretty understandable. I’d say avoid the remake and just see the original.

Other Thoughts
No real other thoughts today. I woke up at noon today and am trying to get this out as quickly as I can (I did a big chunk of it last night, don’t worry, it wasn’t rushed). Thank you for reading and check out the “Best of...” section up at the top. Also, free whatever rappers are in jail right now.