When A Man Meets A Woman: A One Act Play

By Hot Rod 

Action!

Scene: Railroad yard. Stray cats walking around sexily. Empty cigarette cartons littered among the discarded tires. A beautiful redhead in high heels and fur walks warily down the tracks. A man in a Dick Tracy outfit steps out from the shadows.

Man: "Hey there, baby. What's a girl like you doing in a place like this?"

Woman: Surprised, then intrigued. "Howdy, partner. How's about you light my fire?"

Man: "Sure thing, sweetheart." Takes out a lighter and tries to set the woman's fur on fire.

Woman: Steps back. "No, silly. Not literally." She takes a cigarette out of her pocket book. "I mean this." She mouths her cigarette suggestively.

Man: "Oh, sorry babe. It's just you reminded me of the last dame I set on fire." Lights her cigarette. "The name is Sargent: Sargent Penis. I'm a private eye. That means that I look through windows at ladies undressing, for a living. And sweetheart, let me tell you, I wouldn't mind working for you."

Woman: Blushing. "Oh, Sargent! How much do you charge?"

Man: "For you darling, it'd be on the house."

Woman: Unbuckles her belt and opens her dress like a trenchcoated street flasher, revealing her totally nude swimsuit.

Man: "Nice work, miss! That's grade A lasagne hamburger helper if I ever ate it three times a week. If I wasn't afraid of getting you pregnant, I'd kiss you right on the mouth!!"

Woman: "Shucks, I bet you say that to all the naked ladies."

Man: "Yes ma'am, I do. That's my job."

A train approaches and stops in front of them.

Man: "Well, I guess this is goodbye."

Woman: "Oh darling. Will I ever see you again?"

Man: "On a cool, starry night, look out of your bedroom window at the moon and think of me. I'll be there. In the bushes by your shed."

Conductor: "All aboard!"

Woman: "Here, let me give you something to remember me by." Takes off her fur boa and hands it to Sarge.

Sarge takes the boa and tips his hat. The woman sheds a single tear, turns away and boards the train. The train pulls out. Sarge, steps onto the tracks facing the train, watching it leave. He holds the fur up, takes out a lighter and sets it ablaze. Then he drops it, still burning, and walks back into the shadows.

Fade to black.

Scene!