Untertainment Weakly (4-15-2011)

By Jake 

ABC has cancelled long-time running soap operas “All My Children” and “One Life to Live,” due to all of the children dying and reincarnation, respectively.

Catherine Zeta Jones has entered a mental health clinic. Apparently she just realized that marrying an elderly man is completely insane if you are Catherine Zeta Jones.

“Glee” will be covering or performing--whatever it is that “Glee” does--Rebecca Black’s ironic hit song “Friday.” I literally just watched this video for the first time due to this news. It is why I hate the internet.

The film version of “Atlas Shrugged” has turned toward the Tea Party in order to sell tickets. I guess this means they will have a turnout of a couple thousand.

Russell Brand joins Tom Cruise and Alec Baldwin in the upcoming film based off of a Broadway play “Rock of Ages.” If any of this sounds appealing to you, then why are you reading this site?

Movies Out Today
Scream 4 - I don’t know how to feel about this one. I really like the original “Scream,” but the second one was so bad that I didn’t even bother to see the third one. Hey, that’s kind of like “The Matrix” except the first one is bad, too. So, is this going to be good? It has been maybe 10 years or so since the last one. Maybe Wes Craven figured out how to make a really good Scream sequel. It’s possible, but very unlikely. I think I’m going to pass on it, but maybe you have been dying to see David Arquette back on the big screen and you’ll go see it.

Rio - A cartoon crossover of Ice Age and the hit song by Duran Duran. Simon Lebon lends his voice to the titular character, who is a man instead of a woman like the song. That is my main problem with this film. Every time Hollywood makes a movie based on a hit song from the 80s they always change too much stuff around. Remember when they made a film based on the song “Big Shot” by Billy Joel? They made it about basketball, when the song is so obviously about soccer. It makes me sick to stomach. This movie is for kids and most kids don’t listen to Duran Duran anymore and they aren’t going to get any of the jokes.

Atlas Shrugged: Part 1 - Nobody is going to see these movie. The book is too fucking long to read and now the movie is too fucking long to see. Kill Bill came in two parts, but at least you got to see Uma Thurman cut up a crazy gang with a sword. I hope this movie makes under $1 million, because it’s always funny when producers get cocky enough to start filming a sequel and then it makes no money. The movie is an hour and 42 minutes! Who the fuck are you trying to trick into seeing 2 of these fuckers? Did anybody even know this was coming out today?

Other Thoughts
I feel like I have finally hit a wall with music. By which I mean, I was spending too much time trying to find new music and stay “in the know” with current bands and genres. There are things I want to do besides listen and look for music all day. I feel like it was really getting in the way of my reading. So, I decided to go to Global Groove and download all of the various artists compilations. Also, the blog I was getting new music from was shut down/went invitation only. So somebody let me know when a new jj album comes out.