Bobby Langston Blasts...Taxes

By Bobby Langston 

There are only two things that a guaranteed in life: death and taxes. If I had to choose between the two, I would take death in a heartbeat. Taxes are an abomination to a hard-working man, such as myself. Our forefathers cried “No taxation without representation,” and as a white male, I feel like I am not adequately represented, so why should I pay taxes?

Taxes are mostly spent on helping the poor and elderly. I would rather watch my money burn than help these buffoons looking for a government hand-out. If you can’t help yourself then to heck with you! If my taxes went to soldiers that are killing terrorists in the Middle East or to fix these god damned pot holes in the streets around town, then fine, I’d be happy to pay them. Instead, they’re going to social programs and to fund abortions.

This brings me to my main point: why shouldn’t I be allowed to keep all of the money I make? I work, they pay me and then I pay the government. That seems a bit outlandish, doesn’t it? It is earned wage and I should be allowed to spend it on anything I want to. The idiotic democrats want me to pay for their Obamacare. No thanks, jerks! I’d rather pay for a gay marriage, and there’s no way I would ever pay for a gay marriage!

Now don’t think that sales tax gets off easy, either. I’m taking it to the chopping block. As my faithful readers know, I had an appalling dining experience at the local Pizza Hut. Why should I be forced to pay taxes on what will likely kill me in the long run? You don’t have to be Sarah Palin to see that we should not be forced to do anything, and that includes sex, slavery, paying income tax and paying sales tax. If I buy an ill-fitting suit, why must I pay an extra percent on said suit? It just seems very unfair to me and nobody has ever been able to justify it.

While I may be forced to file taxes, you will see me at one of the many rallies across this great country, donning red, white and blue and a hippie’s sun tea worth of tea bags affixed to my hat. I don’t drink tea, but I will wear it to show my disgust for taxation without representation. Until I am truly represented, I will be screaming and holding up signs that show Obama photoshopped to look like Steve Urkle. That is the American way!