Untertainment Weakly (2-25-11)

By Jake 

Warner Bros. are remaking/rebooting "The Bodyguard." Also, they are remaking "Soap Dish," which is absolutely beffuddling. "Soap Dish." Really? Could we please stop remaking fucking movies? Make my movie about a robot that reads a book about love and goes on a killing spree, I call it "Robotic Love Syndrome."

CBS pulled the plug on "Two and a Half Men." When asked for a comment, Charlie Sheen blew crack smoke into the reporters face. Also, he released multiple rants.

Chelsea Handler has joined the sitcom based on her. Doesn't make much sense for her not to be in it from the start, but that's show business for you.

Justin Bieber got a haircut and is going to auction off his hair. Quick, somebody buy it and make a merkin.

Ted "Golden Radio Voice" Williams is getting his own reality show. For more on Ted Williams read: Debate: Is Ted Williams a Role Model?

Movies Coming Out Today

Drive Angry - In this movie, Nicolas Cage wears a wig and overacts, which is not unlike 75% of Nic Cage movies recently released. The title makes you think this is almost another sequel to "The Fast and the Furious," because it features both driving and negative emotion. Is this movie about road rage? I have no idea. It might not even be about driving, but rather a play on the Fine Young Cannibals hit song "She Drives me Crazy." That song is also not actually about driving, but rather, being in love. This movie could be about love, but I would guess that it's actually about literal driving and probably shooting people. Roger Ebert did not review this movie, so I would guess that it sucks. Rotten Tomatoes has it at 57%. That isn't awful, but it ain't good. I would say, save your money.

Hall Pass - Two friends, Jason Sudeikis and Owen Wilson, are given a "hall pass" from their wives to have sex with any women they want for a week. Sounds ripped straight from the pages of a "Curb Your Enthusiasm" script. Also, it sounds absolutely awful! I know that there is a segment of the population that is dying for a good comedy, but I do not think this one is it. Cedar Rapids was supposed to be good and nobody saw it, they saw that shitty Adam Sandler movie (I know, which one?) instead. I think you might be better off seeing the Sandler movie than this, because that at least has Jennifer Anniston in it, this one has Christina Applegate! Plus, Owen Wilson is still making movies. Why? I thought he killed himself. Okay, just don't see this. Something good will come out soon. We're moving out of February (traditionally the worst money-making month for movies).

I Do Actually Like Stuff, Too
I watched Hayao Miyazaki's "Kiki's Delivery Service." It follows a 13-year-old witch leaving home and opening a delivery service out of a bakery. It is cute, and maybe meant for young girls. Yet, I liked it anyway.

Jessica Lea Mayfield's album "Tell Me" - During the few days when there wasn't snow on the ground and it was nearly 60 out, this was the perfect album. I would say it is in the genre of Alt-Country. I can't wait for the 8 inches of snow that fell last night to melt away to listen to it on a mild, sunny day.