Untertainment Weakly (This Week in Entertainment & Movies) 1-21-11

By Jake 

The title is overkill, right? This is going to be the new format of my movie article, which has gone into its cocoon and transformed into a movie and entertainment news article.

Entertainment News
Comcast and NBC Merge!
What does this mean for us, the television watching public? If I knew the answer, I would be a very rich man. I think it means that the internet is shutting down.

Regis Leaves The Regis and Kelly Television Program!
Regis has been the lifeblood of daytime television talk shows since before I was born. Now he's leaving and I just don't know what any of us are going to do. I'd guess that we will continue not watching daytime TV talk shows--maybe some Dr. Phil and Rachel Ray.

Hannah Montana Ends!
Q. Now that Hannah Montana is off the air what will pedophiles masturbate to? A. Reruns of Hannah Montana.

Ricky Gervais Roasts Hollywood at the Golden Globes Award Ceremony! - Funny, but unnecessary. The Golden Globes are bullshit, but Gervais' job was not to roast the celebrities attending. Ricky Gervais will never host a mainstream award show again, unless they are specifically looking for somebody to flay the celebs. Maybe he can host the Roasties or the Most Succulent Roast Beef Contest in Dubuque, Iowa.

Movies Opening Today
No Strings Attached
Natalie Portman and Ashton Kutcher star. You should have already made up your mind as to whether you're seeing this or not based on that last sentence alone. This is sort of the flipside of last week's hit, The Dilemma. Kutcher and Portman are life-long friends who start having sexual intercourse. The try to not let the intercourse ruin their friendship. I assume that they find it difficult. This is the kind of bile that Hollywood is hacking up every week now. It is better than a remake/reboot/sequel, but not by much. Hopefully, some more good films will come out. How can the Academy Awards choose ten films from 2010 of quality? They are probably going to have to include Iron Man 2 and The Land Before Time XX: The Legend of Cera's Gold.

The Way Back
A group of prisoners escape from a World War II-era Siberian gulag. Sure, this sounds interesting on paper, but it is PG-13. This means that a lot of impact will be left out of the violence. I have a feeling this is going to be another shit movie coming out of Hollywood's asshole. Watch Herzog's powerful Rescue Dawn instead of this. That is an uncomfortable and impactful film. I know that you cannot stay home all weekend and in your town the only form of entertainment is taking in a show at the local cinema. So out of the films in the theater what should you see? I'm going to have to make a take back from last week and recommend The Green Hornet. Initially, it had bad reviews from the critics. Yet, I have not heard a human being say anything negative about it. It made money last week and it has an Asian in it. Cameron Diaz is still pretty attractive even though she's 60 years old.


The Best Movie I Watched This Week
House
This Japanese horror movie from 1977 is pure insanity. A group of girls (who all have a special characteristic or power, which lends them their name--such as Kung Fu, Melody and Gorgeous) head to one of their aunt's house for a relaxing summer vacation, unfortunately the old woman and her cat have the house going crazier than a New York City Library (via Ghostbusters). This movie is described on the Netflix slip as a "psychedelic nightmare," and that is fairly accurate. It is not very scary, but it is insane. At one point in this film, a severed head is pulled out of a well and bites one of the girls in the ass--and that is one of the least crazy parts of this movie.