Debate: Tattoos

By Glenn and Jake 

Tattoos--it seems like everybody has them these days. Is having a tattoo a modern version of conformity, or is getting a tattoo just another form of self expression? This debate will definitively answer these questions. If, for some reason, you feel like we did an inadequate job answering any tattoo related inqueries you may have, we will be holding an open forum at 6pm this coming Friday in the common's area. Hope to see you there!

Glenn: The first time I saw a tattoo on a young woman's lower back I was perplexed. Sure I had seen tattoos before, but mostly on Bam Bam Bigelow's head or Kamala's stomach. Little did I know that tattoos on young people would become a bigger craze than Satanism and crazy bands combined. Tattoos, besides slowly killing people through ink exposure, are the saddest of all cliches in the modern age. Right now I expect every man or woman that I see naked to have at least one tattoo. I know many of these tattoos happen during the formative years (18-22) and then later seem less cool. But the same thing is true for other things that might happen during those years (getting an abortion, joining Campus Crusade for Christ) and we would never condone those things so why do tattoos get a free pass? Now I'll let my tattooed opponent attempt to justify a David's Star tattoo on every living American Jew.

Jake: Glenn feels that all tattoos are created equally, but I know better than that. I may not have a fancy degree or even a good pair of running shoes, but I do have a tattoo. Not every tattoo is worthwhile--such as tribal, Chinese characters, barbed wire--but a truly unique tattoo can be interesting like looking at a painting, by which I mean not that interesting. Tattoos are just another form of art, as is pornography.

I am not even against lower back tattoos (currently known in popculture as a "tramp stamp"). Sure, at the moment they are considered trashy and too "mainstream" to be cool, but they will become a lot less common once God starts calling people to Heaven. Those of us left behind will be ecstatic to see a few tramp stamps every now and then. I also hit on possibly the main reason Glenn hates tattoos: they have become mainstream. Glenn feels that popular things have no value, unless it is an album from the 1990s which one can enjoy nostalgically. This is a dangerous thought and many will die because of it.

Glenn: I hate nostalgia. To me, it is just a rung above molesting children (as many Catholic Priests have done) or infantilizing oneself. Tattoos are a unique kind of nostalgia, since you've brought it up. I can put on an Oasis album from the 1990s and enjoy it "nostalgically" - even though I did not own Oasis albums DURING the 90s - but you can't do the same with a tattoo. A tattoo is permanent. It's always on your skin, or whatever skin-like hybrid you have to replace your original skin. That is the equivalent of gluing a pog to your hand or gluing headphones to your ears that only play Dookie by Green Day. It seems like a great idea at the time, but ten years later when pogs have lost 50% of their value and you're turning into a basket case yourself, you wish you had never committed such a permanent act. That is, to me, what a tattoo is. Jake is further correct in my resentment of their popularity. If my best friend was to go out and gauge his ears, I would think it was stupid, probably. But I would also as a sociologist understand the ticket those ears would get him into the gauged ear subculture. These days there is no prominent tattoo subculture - just a collection of sorority girls with swastikas tattooed on their foreheads.

Jake: How does a lack of a prominent subculture make something bad? The last time I checked--and I literally just checked-- many amazing things like caps, french toast and Nickelodeon Gak did not have subcultures based around them, yet those things are still considered fantastic by many Americans.

Tattoos are a form of self expression and art. You are against both of those things unless it happens to be screaming at an Oasis concert or the cover art of an Oasis album. Everything is Oasis to you, which is fine, but there is no reason to shit all over anything that is not. Gluing headphones to your ears would be ridiculous because it would be physically bad for your health. Tattoos are not harmful. Why can't you be against mainstream tattoos and be pro creative tattoos like cartoon characters doing drugs or a recipe for your favorite margarita? I think tattoos are also a good way to gauge whether you would like a person or not. If somebody has a swastika or spider webs tattooed on their bodies, then you know that they are not worth talking to and you will not be convinced to join their murderball team.

Glenn: I actually respect someone who is willing to get a spiderweb tattoo because they firmly believe in what it means to be a spider. My criticism isn't that tattoos are popular. There are tons of things that are popular right now that I fully embrace: crazy bands, Twitter, The View and Oasis. I also enjoy any movie Rob Zombie makes. Some tattoos, such as a forehead swastika, are funny and creative. But the majority of the ones I see around are not. I can't even tell you how many times I've been cruising around Williamsburg in my 2007 Ford Focus only to see women and men walking around with "tat sleeves" depicting the soldiers putting up that flag at Iwo Jima, the Last Supper or thorns. Thorns are cool but they won't be cool in 10 years, let alone 20 years. Tattoos seem short-sighted to me, because I always think about the long term ramifications of my actions. That's why I don't smoke, bind my feet or commit to women. In general I don't find tattoos cool and though they won't kill you like cigarettes will, they will seem as silly in retrospect as deciding to go as Laci Peterson for Halloween.

Jake: Well Glenn, I guess we are just going to have to agree to disagree on this matter. I do not inherently find tattoos to be cool. Some tattoos are cool and some are really lame. Tattoos are a lot like the music from the 90s, in my opinion. While some of the music in the 90s was great, there was still awful acts like Milli Vanilli and Living Colour who scored hit after hit, yet I did not really find either to be all that great. Yet, I loved many of the songs that Will Smith and DJ Jazzy Jeff put out or "dropped" in that decade. The same goes for tattoos.