Debate: Disney World or Disney Land?

By Glenn and Tay 

Every year, millions of families are forced to make a decision about where to spend their vacations. Susan Smith took her kids to the bottom of a lake and Scott Peterson took his wife and unborn son to a much darker place. Real families would rather go somewhere with rides and costumed characters, like a gay pride parade. Living in areas with a small/closeted gay population, many of us are forced to look towards Disney theme parks for our fun. California contains deadly earthquakes, a dysfunctional state government and Disney Land. Florida contains deadly hurricanes, a heterosexual governor and Disney World. Whether you have a family to entertain or just want to infantilize yourself, here is a debate over which Disney resort is the better vacation destination.

Glenn: I come at this from a very experienced position. I have visited both Disney Land and Disney World during the tumultuous twenty-seven years I have lived on this planet. My first visit to Land was as a toddler. I can’t remember it, but a trip earlier this year was a good refresher. Sandwiched between these two visits were at least three trips to World. I have moral authority on this subject and I argue strongly that Disney Land is the better institution. Opened right after the landmark Supreme Court case Brown v. Board of Education, Disneyland was immediately the most progressive theme park in the United States. Through the decades they have been on the cutting edge of social progress: giving female characters the right to vote, allowing same sex marriage and ultimately seceding from California and the United States in opposition to George W. Bush’s policies. Thank you.

Tay: I am happy to make my first OYIT appearance in support of Disney World. I come to this debate with the perspective of someone that is still in recovery from a sunburn I was freely given there. The last time Glenn visited Disney World I was still wetting the bed. I am happy to say that while the politics of Disney World have changed since then, my bed wetting habits have not. Over time DW has been taken over by a gay Governor named Charlie Crist, while Disney Land has succumbed to bank rolling Meg Whitman’s campaign to run California. Not to mention the fact that Disney World dwarfs the size of Disney Land. And if recent rumors are to be believed the next attraction to be built there is a 1000 acre super Mosque. Disney World also has a throw back ride to the movie “Song of the South” which gives voice to the struggles of Blacks in Confederate America. While it may be easy for Disney Land to be a beacon of Progress in a state which gave our first black President 64% of its vote, Disney World is a beacon of Liberal America mere hours from states that made Obama’s forefathers slaves. Thank you.

Glenn: I freely admit I used to wet the bed all through adolescence, including the times I visited Disney World. I’m not saying World was the cause of this bladder dysfunction but it certainly exacerbated a pre-existing condition. Charlie Crist (original last name: Christodoulos), Governor of Florida and strong Disney World proponent, cannot be trusted. Although his status as a heterosexual male is without question, his willingness to put his political opponents to death in front of live audiences at World is profane and callous. Even a buffoon like Arnold Schwarzenegger has not done the same thing at Disney Land, except in the case of Stanley “Tookie” Williams. But that was appropriate to do in front of children because he had written children’s books. In any event, building a 1000 acre mosque right next to the Ebcott Center is as insensitive as when moderate Muslims tried to build a community center in Manhattan. That’s the nice thing about Disney Land: no Muslims allowed.

Tay: I am briefly tempted to rest my case on the absurd basis of that argument. For starters: Charlie Christ is an open homosexual. Calling him otherwise is homophobic. Secondly, who doesn’t want to kill openly Hispanic - and Charlie Christ opponent - Marco Rubio? Walt Disney had a dream that one day a theme park would be open to all people with a moderate amount of disposable income, and ability spend a week in a fantasy world. Luckily he was not alive to see what Disney Land has done to that dream. Disney Land's attempt to “reclaim” that dream have gone as well as Glenn Beck’s attempt to reclaim the Civil Rights movement for White Conservatives. The people of Disney Land are all that is wrong with America. It is no surprise that Glenn Beck has a annual pass there.

Glenn: I am ashamed to share a name with Glenn Beck but even more ashamed to admit I traveled to Disney World during the 1980s when they were supporting the South African apartheid regime. It was only after a strong public outcry and Disney Land’s creation of a Nelson Mandela costumed character that Disney World decided to quit sending money to South Africa. I don’t want to make this all about the sociopolitical implications of the two theme parks, so I will also point out great features of Disneyland. DL has “Main Street U.S.A.,” an area based on Marceline, Missouri where Tay and I both grew up. This small town/anytown land shows what things were like in the “good old days” when people didn’t know what Muslims were and law enforcement issues were settled with duels. Also for adults Disneyland has “Fantasyland.” Inspired by the works of the Marquis de Sade, this area lets people act out their deepest and most perverse desires and then buy cotton candy afterward. The best thing Disney World has is The Animal Kingdom, which forces park-goers to lay side by side with beast in the Biblical sense. Disgusting, and perfectly representative of Floridian culture and society. I implore our readers: Choose Life and Choose Disney Land.

Tay Being a newly minted Floridian I am offended by everything you just said. While it is true that Disney World supported the legitimate government of South Africa in the 1980s, it does not change the fact that the Nelson Mandela mascot at Disney Land was forced to pick cotton like his name was Kunta Kinte. Let me be clear: my hate for Disney Land rivals that of the Catholic Church’s hate for Marquis de Sade. I would rather have a 14 gauge Foley catheter inserted in my urethra than go to Disney Land. At least the catheter would help with the bed wetting. Glenn’s endless, destructive war on Disney World depends -- like most wars do -- on a cartoonish demonization of the Enemy as something utterly foreign, inhuman, and subject to entirely different drives than Us. His argument at its best, reinforces that rotted premise by tying Disney World to values that people on “Main Street” would find reprehensible. In effect driving a wedge between Them (real America) and Us (Disney World). In reality Disney Land is a vile and reprehensible place that would only be attended by the scum of our society. Please, choose to keep the progress America has made over the last 40 years - choose Disney World.