A new (good) morning

By Stephen 

[Welcome our newest writer: Stephen!]

Today’s History Lesson

Today marks the 911th anniversary of the first successful plundering of Jerusalem by European Crusaders, in which thousands of Muslims were raped, killed, and/or forced to convert to Christianity. There is nothing funny about this, per se, unless you are a Muslim-hating Christian. Not that all Christians hate Muslims - just those Christians who vote Republican. (Kidding!) (Sort of.)

Today in Exotic Foods

Pending approval by EU health inspectors, camel milk from the UAE will be sold on supermarket shelves in the UK as early as next year. Supposedly it is rich in vitamin-C and very salty. Not as salty, however, as the tears your children will cry after you trick them into drinking it.

Today in Famous People

George Steinbrenner died yesterday. Not sure if he was a Lethal Weapon fan, but a lot of people liked the first one so it’s possible. I mention Lethal Weapon because I really hope the recently released recording of Mel Gibson telling his ex-girlfriend that she “deserved it” when he hit her so hard that he broke her teeth had nothing to do with the massive heart attack Steinbrenner suffered. It probably didn’t. But we will never know for sure.

Today’s Prediction

In the wake of Marmaduke’s $50 million box-office success, studios will become so desperate for adaptations of lame comic strips that someone will commission Mel Gibson to write and direct an(other) adaptation of Prince Valiant. It will be a violent comedy based on the 1st successful Crusade against Muslim-occupied Jerusalem. While filming on location, Mel will be raped by a pack of Bedouins and left for dead until a friendly camel nurses him back to health.