Jake's Monday Morning Mixed Bag

By Jake 

Good day, kind readers. I greatly appreciate that you are reading this. This article might be a bit "out there" and "random." If you dislike this there will be a hilarious Life with Mikey posting later that you should definitely check out.

Here's a haiku:
On TV I see
A Wild West amputation
Performed on a pig

I was watching a documentary on the Old West when I wrote this.

I do not know the type of poem this is, although it is quite nonsensical. It's alphabetical, so how could it not be nonsense?

a blue colored desk,
empty,
fits enough glue,
having inside: jars,
knives, lint;
massively novel on purpose,
quiet, reserved,
sedately tethered up;
Viewing warmly:
x-rays yellowing;
zippo

Trivia: I currently have more followers on Twitter than Wings actor Steven Weber.

This is a photo I took of a baseball skin lying in a field.


Here's a bit from my non-existant stand-up act:
You guys go to the doctor? It's a little expensive, right? I usually only have to pay somebody $50 to stick a finger up my ass. My doctor is a good guy though, he only makes me wait for two hours once I get into the check-up room. Speaking of checks, how do you guys get your waiters attention when you're in a busy restaurant? Isn't drawing a check sign in the air the most jackassy way to do it? We all do it, right? What else are you going to do? The waiter keeps walking by really fast, you're trying to get say something to him but by the time the words come out he's three tables away. The only thing you haven't tried doing is drawing check signs in the air. Hey, it works, but you can't help but feeling like a jerk. That's why I never go out to eat. I'd rather spend two hours making dinner than draw a check sign in the air. Speaking of air, isn't pollution scary? I hate people who pollute. I think if you get caught littering you should be put on death row. If you litter then you are selfish and deserve to spend the rest of your life eating McDonald's and watching cable TV in a cage.

Thank you, thank you.