We're gearing up for our big Fourth of July camping trip. I've got my fishing pole all packed away and enough firecrackers to bring down a tree. If there's a better way to spend this country's birthday I don't know what it is.
How does a robot from space know how to turn into a car made on Earth and nothing else?
I never make wishes.
They should make sleeping pills out of turkey.
Now that there are video games kids don't care about marbles.
I don't gamble, but I sometimes play poker with my wife and son. We use M&M's or pretzels instead of money.
Pringles has the worst mascot. That guy is a loser.
I support gay marriage, as long as I don't have to go. I hate buying wedding presents.
I accidentally rented the movie Mask with Cher instead of The Mask with Jim Carrey. It wasn't that funny and that guy's face was messed up. Plus, no catchphrases.
Whenever I go fly fishing my wife makes a joke about how she can't believe anybody would want to catch flies.
Nerds taste pretty good, but they won't make you any smarter, not that they advertise that they will.
I've seen people do the twist but I've never witnessed the mashed potato.
Hop on Pop is my favorite tragic comedy.
What's so great about Snuffy Smith? Absolutely nothing.
Tire swings are the most fun you can have recycling.
What's up with these kids and their hemp jewelry? Just because it's made out of pot doesn't mean it's not rope.
I would have thought you were a Snuffy Smith fan.
ReplyDeleteMikey, you are amazing. I think your wife should have a column of her own.
ReplyDeleteI wonder if Mikey's wife even knows he writes this. He probably scribbles his thoughts on napkins while he eats alone at Arby's.
ReplyDeleteNo catchphrases in 'Mask'?!? I guess Cher saying "If I'd dug his grave everytime one of you geniuses told me he was gonna die, I'd be eating fucking chop suey in China by now!" didn't do anything for you, jerk!
ReplyDeleteIf this were some sort of satire it would be astoundingly great. But since it's not, I just feel really, really sorry for you...
Gambling without money is stupid. It defeats the entire purpose of most games. Great example: Texas Hold 'Em poker.
ReplyDeleteBut thank you for supporting same sex marriage!
You never make wishes, but you want "them" to make sleeping pills out of turkey. Sounds like wishful thinking to me!
ReplyDelete