Good Morning, Good Morning!

By Jake 

Thank you for joining me for my grand return to wishing people a good morning on a comedy blog. If you are reading this then you probably are a person, or possibly a super intelligent shark like the ones featured in Deep Blue Sea. Either way, I would like to wish you a good morning.

Here's a haiku I wrote about wishing you a good morning:
Good morning, my friends
I hope you get laid today
Even if you're ugly

How about another poem? This one is a tanka:
  My glasses are gone,
I fell asleep and lost them
  Now I cannot read
It is not like I am blind,
I just see better with them

Here's a picture I drew on MSPaint just for this article:

I'm not much of an artist. I am much better at painting word pictures.

Here's a bit from my non-existant stand-up act. If OYIT does a live show, and we very well might, I would perform this bit:

War, now that's a serious subject isn't it? We've been in wars for almost 10 years now. First Afghanistan and then Iraq. Pretty heavy isn't it? Speaking of heavy, remember the McGuire twins? They were known for being fat and riding motorcycles at the same time. If I was that fat I'd try walking to Hardee's. Maybe they are greasers and need to have a motorcycle to establish their identity. Isn't identity theft scary? I go to Amazon and buy a used copy of the Full Monty and pretty soon somebody is acting like me and buying boats and shit. Go make your own money for your outrageous purchases. People who steal identities are the worst kind of criminals-- nerds. Instead of being put in jail they should be stuffed into lockers.

I also at some point posted an article of "jokes" like that. Read it here. Speaking of stand-up comedy, I could probably do 15 minutes just complaining about cell phones. Five of those minutes would be on how people text at the grocery store and almost bump into me. It fills me with a murderous rage, but so far I have not killed anyone.

One last thing I want to show you:

This is a Slurpee cup I have. I use it to drink water out of mostly, which seems like it might be wrong since it was made for Slurpees, but it's just a cup. The cup is for YoVille, which is something I suppose. I have never heard of it, but apparently the geniuses at 7-11 have. Tell me what it is in the comments. Also pictured: my Winnie the Pooh wallet, MP3 player, a statue of an alligator playing football and one of the Buddha.

Thank you for reading and enjoy the rest of your day and try not to be so depressed.