Good Morning 404

By Glenn 

Good morning. The end of an era is over. In college we moved into a house downtown and I lived there for two years. The previous two years a younger generation of college students took over and the house become more dilapidated and filled with smoke. At the same time, it also became known for a series of raucous parties and sexual/emotional debauchery that rivaled Sodom and Gomorrah. Yesterday was the last day of the lease. There's no way to know what the future holds for this house but it's completely vacant except for mountains and mountains of trash and furniture. If someone else moves in, I hope they end up being home invaded too - and I will take whatever measures necessary to ensure that happens.

[This is a fitting time to use the Nelson Mandela quote "There is nothing like returning to a place that remains unchanged to find the ways in which you yourself have altered."]


Today's Weather
There's nothing big to report here other than it's getting very hot outside. As May ends and becomes June, the only thing we know for sure is that it will get warmer and more humid. This means it's time to jettison your thick, itchy Hanes t-shirts and pick up some American Apparel. American Apparel is expensive, but the fabric is thin and lets you breathe. Their shirts are perfect for warm weather and when you want to look good. In other weather-related news, it rained on Memorial Day - which usually wouldn't matter but it ruined our President's planned speech to a cemetery in Chicago. Obama then issued an executive order that the bodies be dug up and moved closer to DC so he can try again for Veterans Day.


Today's Israeli Massacre

We're still waiting on the details but it's safe to say at this point that the Israel is responsible for more killings of innocent people. This is using the term innocent very loosely. In comparison to the invasions and bombings of Lebanon or Gaza, this looks like an act of benevolence, but apparently Israeli forces stormed a boat and killed people on it. Their excuse is that the people were trying to break a blockade and deliver humanitarian supplies. The best article I have read about the situation can be read here. Please click the link so I don't have to attempt more jokes about a very sad situation.


Today's Prediction
As stated in the linked article above, public opinion in the United States will begin to turn even more against the actions of Israel. Israel will be forced to launch a public campaign akin to how American Apparel advertises its clothes. Members of the Mossad and IDF will be photographed in the trendiest and thinnest fabric that side of the Red Sea while they bulldoze down the home of a suicide bomber's family or make a decision, miles away, to bomb a hospital in the occupied territories. The aforementioned house will be located at 404 North Tenth Street in Columbia, Missouri.