One Week In-tertainment (5-01-10)

By Jake 

Jennifer Lopez is seeking a guest spot on Glee. I feel the need to report on Glee because my dad "watches it all the time."

Fox is gearing up for a Commando remake. This is exactly what America needs to take our minds off of that oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico, don't you think?

Bret Michaels had a brain hemorrhage. America's sluts are in mourning.

Snooki got into a bar fight and nobody is more upset by this than me.

Nick Jonas allegedly caused a mob scene at a fro-yo stand. Several witnesses say that they saw fans of Jonas fitting patrons with concrete shoes and dumping them off the pier.

Sandra Bullock has a black baby boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sandra Bullock has filed for divorce!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Legendary woman-fucker Hugh Hefner somehow saved the Hollywood sign.

Max Weinberg is not going to be on Conan's TBS Supershow on the Superstation (my tentative title for the program).

David Letterman is trying to salvage his marriage according to the fantastic website People.com.

Jodie Sweetin is fucking pregnant!

People.com's Article of the Week
Burt Reynolds hopes to live to be 199 years old. Read about it in the article entitled "Burt Reynolds Wants to Live to Be 199."