Good Morning, Peace Be Upon You

By Bub 

Good morning.

Today is the start of a new movement. Today is the start of Peacemakers International. Our field agents are called 'Suicide Peacemakers'. We are going to go to the most dangerous parts of the world and spread the message of love and peace at the cost of our very lives. Sure, it's naive and self-serving. But it would make a real impact in the global peace movement. If you are interested in traveling to Afghanistan as a 'suicide peacemaker' please donate $2,500 to cover your airfare and room & board for as long as you are expected to survive. Our first stop will be Kandahar. Your assignment will be to seek out Taliban chieftains and warlords and give them hugs. You will help dig wells and perform puppet shows for local children daily. In your off time you are expected to stand on street corners smiling, professing love to all those who pass by. Your expected assignment duration will be two weeks at which point Peacemakers International will cover the cost of having your decapitated body shipped to, and interned in, our memorial mausoleum. Today, my friend, is your day to become a martyr in the purest sense of word. Let's do this thing before it's too late.


Today's martyr: James the Lesser



James the Lesser is supposed to have been the brother of Jesus Christ, by a former wife of Joseph. He was elected to the oversight of the churches of Jerusalem; and was the author of the epistle ascribed to James in the Bible. At the age of ninety-four, he was beaten and stoned by Jews; and finally had his brains dashed out with a fuller's club.



Today's prediction:



You will forego earthly possessions to join the martyrs' corps and help bring an end to war through your ultimate self-sacrifice. You will be killed while hugging a utility pole that was strapped with hand-grenades. You will attract many admirers and start a new craze whose adherents will be dubbed 'utility pole huggaz.' You will single huggedly end the war in Afghanistan. Congratulations.