Punny Jokes by Nate, #2

By Nate 

This pun involves wine, but don't worry, the pun does not involve switching up the words wine and whine for an easy laugh. It's a little more subtle than that. I respect all you fuckers too much for write a homonym joke.*

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It was a typical weekend night for me and my college-aged friends. We had gathered at our usual hang-out for another night of binge drinking. Several cases of Miller High Life were in the fridge, cheap vodka and whiskey were within reach, and we also have a few bottles of wine in tow because we were feeling classy.

Some might say that our urge to consume wine is just foreshadowing our futures as middle-aged, Prius/Subaru driving, farmer's market shopping, liberal yuppies. I would say you're right, but let me call it classy for now, please.

Anyway, we decided to start with the wine and began trying to open the bottles. Being the alcoholic neophytes we are, this was a slightly difficult task (look, I used the word neophytes. I am a total arugula munching, east-coast elitist! Yuppy-dom, here I come!)

Timid, self-deprecating jokes then came forth as we tried to mask our bottle-opening inadequacies with humor. Someone suggested that we just break the neck off a bottle and move on. It got a quick chuckle, but then I interrupted, "wait, isn't breaking the neck off a bottle the appropriate way to drink some wines?"

Everyone looked at me with a puzzled gaze, and their eyes begged me to explain myself.

"I mean," I said, "doesn't breaking the neck off a glass bottle of wine produce shard-onnay?"

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*Disclaimer: considering my mediocre comedy skills, you homonyms may in fact be subjected to a homosexual joke before all is said in done.