Good Morning! Now Wake Up (Up and Away)!

By Nate 

That's what KiD CuDi wants you to do:



He's rumoured to be dating Amanda Bynes these days.



At least Amanda has been tweeting about her chocolate love...

Now Let's Assess the Day and Week

It's Wednesday, AKA Hump Day. We're mid week. It's time to evaluate what has happened, what we have done, what will happen, and what we need to do.

Sunday, Valentine's Day:

This week may have started off with a bang for you, especially if you got laid! But if you didn't, it's ok ...or is it? That is the question we must attempt to answer now.

Are you alone? Did you have a date? Did it go well or poorly? Did your obligatory romantic holiday actions live up to the expectations of your lover's? Are you in the doghouse now? What have you done to get yourself there or to make up for your poor performance on the Big Day? Is Extenze the answer?

Please tell us about your V-Day experience in the comments section. Maybe Hi Katy will help you analyze it later in the week.

Monday, President's Day:

WHOA! BACK-TO-BACK holidays! Hope you didn't have to go to the bank on Monday. Your plans for depositing/withdrawing money would have been ruined.

I noticed Huffington Post had an obscene amount of President's Day posts. One was of the ten best president-related videos their interns could find on YouTube. Really there is only one, and it's about George Washington (he weighs a fucking ton!)



Tuesday, yesterday:

Man, Tuesday really seems lame now, but Glenn and Jake had a great debate about Vampire Weekend. I wonder who will watch "Oxford Comma" by Vampire Weekend first:



Yes, who does give a fuck about an Oxford comma? I bet English majors, journalists, and general grammar freaks do.

Wednesday, Today:

Some top stories you should be following are Sen. Evan Bayh's retirement. Some say it's a huge loss for Democrats. Nate Silver says he was a pain in the ass to the caucus but a valuable Dem, but in the end it's all a wash anyway.

A one-year-in progress report on the Stimulus Package is coming out.

A Scottish Terrier named Sadie won the Westminster Dog Show amid protests.

Another "Miracle on Ice"? US Men's Hockey beat Switzerland.

Mitt Romney wrote a book about "American Exceptionalism" which is a disorder in which one repeats "U-S-A! NUMBER 1!" despite the fact that the US isn't at the top of many lists any more. I mean, come on, Canada might top us in the medal count by the end of the Winter Olympics!

I probably left some out. Post links you think I should have posted in the comments section with your V-Day problems.

Thursday, tomorrow, the immediate future:

All day should be spent day dreaming about Friday and what you are going to do this weekend.

Friday:

SHUTTER ISLAND IS COMING OUT!!! You may not be able to tell by the capital letters I used to write that last sentence, but I am very excited about this movie (inflection is hard to convey over the internet.) It looks like it will be a good suspense/horror film that doesn't involve a Saw and a Roman numeral. Glenn and I may be in the same town for its premiere this weekend. If so, we will watch it. A blog post may be produced afterward of our shared experience of watching the film.

Saturday:

There are now only eight days left of Black History Month because 2010 is not a leap year.

February is an awkward month. It is the least sexy month, yet Valentine's Day is right there in the middle. And of course, it's also Black History month which puts the issue of racial inequalities right in the face of upper-class, white males, like myself, who tend to just ignore the issue and point to the fact that they voted for Barack Obama as evidence of racial sensitivity.

We need to either move Black History month to January with MLK Jr Day or vice versa, and kick V-Day ahead to March when there is at least the possibility of flowers blooming somewhere that isn't a greenhouse for $14.95 per rose.

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Welp. That wraps up the week. I hope you reached a moment of Zen-like meditation considering your love life and the placement of holidays on the Gregorian calendar. Time for predictions!

Predictions!

Jake and Glenn will watch the Vampire Weekend video I posted, but deny it to try to be too cool for the hype. KiD CuDi will sample Vampire Weekend and rap about his relationship with Amanda Bynes and "Mary Jane" then release it on the internet. Jake and Glenn will admit to watching this video, but only because they have a crush on Amanda Bynes like I do.

The Scottish Terrier will be assassinated in the next Westminster Dog Show protest.

OYIT will become the #1 site in America and Mitt Romney will write an addendum to his book about it.

Evan Bayh will retire to live out his fantasy as a K Street lobbyist.

And after everyone reads this post and reevaluates their week and life, they will realize they need to post more in the comments section instead of just lurking (I'VE SEEN THE GOOGLE ANALYTICS!!! I KNOW YOU'RE LURKING!!!) Maybe even a few female readers will grow a set of balls and start writing for this site!

HAVE A GOOD WEDNESDAY!!!

Oh, hey, look at this! One of my predictions is already coming true!!!