Bub's Public Joke File Vol. 4

By Bub 

I went to a Korean War re-enactment. No one appreciated my giant Confederate flag.

Why are babies such dicks? They are never the ones to call first after a date.

Speaking of dating, I took my date to the movie the other day – Valentine’s Day – She was really pissed when I picked her up afterward; and murdered her.

Have you ever noticed that there is ‘toilet’ paper?

I was at a parade once and I threw a bag of marbles in the street like in that movie ‘Animal House’. Instead of being hilarious the parade stopped, people yelled at me and I was arrested for an act of terrorism.

In the age old debate of cats vs. dogs no one has ever considered this possibility – cats vs. dogs & robots.

Why is it every time I go to the post office people get upset when I lick their stamps for them.

Two guys are driving in a car with a penguin. A cop pulls them over and asks ‘what are you doing with the penguin’. They say they are taking him to the zoo. They are arrested for an act of terrorism.

Don’t you find it annoying when people tell you about their dreams? Yea, I thought so, James Earl Ray.

Why would people bother to speak a language other than English? I already know English!

If cake is so delicious, why did the Holocaust happen?

St. Patrick's Day is coming up. You know what they say about the Irish, they are genetically predisposed to have red hair.

Have you ever heard of the Red Baron? He was the Nazi pilot that killed dozens of allied troops. Now he’s a mascot for a frozen pizza! What’s next, are they gonna have Apolo Ohno selling cold medicine?!

I was robbing a gas station the other day and the clerk tried to say ‘please don’t hurt me’ but instead he said ‘please hon’t durt me’. We looked quizzically at each other and began to laugh. Then I shot him.