Life With Mikey [Best of Early Mikey]

By Mikey and compiled by Jake 

Hi, Jake here. I'm thrilled to be bringing you the early best of Life With Mikey. It's one of my favorite articles on One Year in Texas and I really enjoyed going back to the beginning. I tried to choose the musings that most reflect Mikey's character and absurd sense of humor. Enjoy.

What's your favorite baseball team? Mine is the Tigers. Tigers have stripes.

When you add baking soda to vinegar it foams up like crazy. You can make a mock volcano out with a little crafting. I helped my son make one once. It was pretty cool. I guess I like science.

Sugar is bad for your teeth, but that doesn't stop us from eating it. Maybe they could make sugar that is good for your teeth.

I bet they had some really good food at the Last Supper.

Onions don't make me cry, but when I hear about people dying that does.

You know what I miss? Poodle skirts.

I feel that if I were to eat one more hamburger I'd get beef poisoning.

Whenever I turn off the lights and lie in my bed, I close my eyes and imagine different flavors of bubble gum. I write them down and send them to Bubbalicious.

If Mike Tyson ever entered a restaurant I was in, I definitely would not ask for his autograph. I do not collect autographs of rapists.

I love playing gin rummy even though I don't drink.

My favorite movie, book and greatest life accomplishment are all Parenthood.

The Government is always borrowing money and spending it on useless stuff. It's like my brother and wife teamed up.

I'm not against gay marriage, but I'd personally never marry a man. Not even Rupaul.

When I want to laugh I watch Beethoven; when I want to laugh real hard I watch Beethoven's 2nd.

If cats have nine lives I must always get them after they've used up eight.

I recommend re-reading all the books you loved as a child. If it doesn't move you to tears, I'll throw a BBQ.

Here we have computers that basically run every part of our lives, and I'm still sitting around on Sunday afternoons licking stamps.

You know what I am afraid of? Ghosts. They scare the heck out of me.