Good Morning in Obama's America

By Glenn 

Good morning. Who would have thought one year ago that Republicans would be winning special elections in Massachusetts with people who were once in nude Cosmo centerfolds? Who would have thought that Conan O'Brien would take over the Tonight Show only to be forced out to make room for Jay Leno's return? Who would have thought One Year in Texas would continue to exist as the most popular site on the internet? Who would have thought I'd get that great $7.99 haircut from Great Clips on Martin Luther King Jr. day? Who would have thought we'd be this close to the end of life on earth as we know it?

Welcome to Obama's America.


Today's Weather

It's so warm in some parts of the country (mostly eastern/coastal Massachusetts) that the only proper reaction is to take off your clothes. Here in North Dakota we've been in the midst of something I would like to call a heat wave. A high of 26 might not sound high to you, but it's the percentage Bush's approval rating was when he left office and where Obama's is headed. There's more snow on the forecast for today, but that could turn out to be dust and dirt flying off Ted Kennedy's coffin. He's rolling around in it right now.


Today's Slave-Themed Song
Back before Britney Spears was a crazy person, she was a pop star. Before she was revealed as an untalented hack, she did a music video about slavery.

This is one of Jake's favorite Britney Spears songs. I never personally liked the song but the video was nice due to its sexual imagery. Sometimes when things can't stand on their merit, sexuality is added as a way to seduce people (especially men). History professors love it because it's one of the few pop songs to talk about slavery, even more so than Neil Young's Southern Man. I'm not going to go as far as to claim Britney Spears is the female pop Neil Young, as some people have, but she's right up there.


Today's Vermont Fact
I know this feature hasn't been around the good morning post lately, but neither has Vermont been in the national news. Without special elections for US Senate, mass murdering earthquakes or breakout slavery-themed pop hits, Vermont remains a pretty quiet place. It exists in the Northeastern part of the United States. Depending on who you ask (specifically someone who lives there) this is the best region of the United States and Vermont is the best state in the region. But here's the Vermont fact of today:

With a population of fewer than nine thousand people, Montpelier, Vermont is the smallest state capital in the U.S.

Holy shit that's small! Vermont's state capital is smaller than the amount of people who read this website every day. How can you conduct official business in a place that probably doesn't even have the population to support a Culver's?


Today's Prediction
In Obama's America, people will be forced to move to Vermont, turning the state into an urban powerhouse full of Culver's as far as the severely damaged Vermontian eye can see. This new influx of immigration will reach a critical mass when the state legislature - never before needing a security system - is stormed and overthrown. First act of the new People's Vermont Legislature will be to make "I'm A Slave 4 U" the official song of the proletariat. The second act will be appointing Scott Brown dictator and making his nude centerfold the state flag. My $7.99 haircut from Great Clips, and the compliments it continues to elicit, will make my physical self esteem improve while my mood continually deteriorates as I realize that yes, this is Obama's America.