Good Fucking Morning, I Wore My Crabby Pants Today [January 29, 2010]

By Katy


I didn't get a single sentence of feedback last week regarding whether or not I should switch up theatrical reviews on Fridays with something a little more stimulating and less awful, so movie reviews it is! I'm pretty tired and pretty grouchy (please see: crabby pants) so my words may come off as sort of callous, empty, or cruel, so you may find it easier to pretend we're in a relationship and after all this we can have incredible comment make-up sex.

Today's Weather: Freezing with a touch of frigid.

What else is there to say about this?

Today's Theatrical Reviews:

Edge of Darkness (Rated R Rapid Racism--because Mel Gibson is in this movie, and he's a known racist.)

Synopsis: Thomas Craven (Gibson) is a homicide detective who upon discovering the body of his murdered daughter on his stoop, embarks on a journey into the bad, wild world of corporate cover-ups and government corruption. He butts heads with Darius Jedburgh (Ray Winstone), an operative on a mission to ... well, cover-up the murder, so, naturally they butt heads and probably loud, blasting guns and there's likely some homoerotic undertones in there.

My Take: I'm not sure who's on the edge of darkness here; the detective, the operative, or Craven's slutty daughter for getting into this whole mess in the first place, but I'd have to guess I'd be on the edge of my seat, preparing to get up and leave the theatre while Gibson looks too old to be making these movies. I live government corruption, homicide, and Mel Gibson everyday. I certainly don't need to sit down and watch a movie about it.

When in Rome (Rated PG-13 for making me think this was the Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen remake)

Synopsis: Beth (Kristen Bell) takes a trip to Rome in search of romance. For some undoubtedly unethical reason, she starts pocketing coins out of a magic fountain. Errr... maybe the coins are magical. I don't know, but the original male owners of these coins start following her around stalk-style because the coin links their love or some shit. Then she meets a guy she actually likes a great deal, but she can't tell if it's the spell or true love.

My Take: In all seriousness, I'd watch Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen's When in Rome over this petty theft tale anyday. Not only that, I HAVE watched it several days. It's amazing. It's second best to their earlier work in Our Lips Are Sealed where they fly to Aussie after being placed in the witness protection program and the exact same formula happens that occurs in all of their movies, and it's twelve times more awesome than this garbage.

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