Debate: Would You Vote for Linda McMahon?

By Jake and Glenn 

The US Senate race in Connecticut promises to be one of the most exciting campaigns to watch in 2010. Incumbent Democrat Chris Dodd, known both for his missteps on the Senate Banking Committee and his steadfast opposition to retroactive immunity for telecommunications companies, will have the fight of his life against a Republican challenger. One of the people running for that nomination is none other than former chairwoman of the WWE, Linda McMahon. Best known for her wooden acting skills and ability to love the thoroughly unloveable Vince McMahon, Linda could be exactly the fresh face the Republican party needs to unseat Mr. Dodd. She might also be as big of a disaster as the WCW/ECW Invasion angle we saw throughout 2001 in the WWF. This begs the question: would you vote for Linda McMahon?

Jake (Yes): Linda McMahon might be remembered by many as the catatonic woman who gazed off into the distance as her husband made out with Trish Stratus, but to me she will always be the person who reinstated Mick Foley after he was retired by her son-in-law HHH. I feel like this decision, which was very controversial, could be a foreshadowing of the kind of decisions she will make as a Senator. What if Obama loses his contract to be president in a war or game of billiards? Do you want Senators that have no past experience in reinstation or do you want an old pro like Linda? I vote McMahon for Senator.

Glenn (No): I will concede that the US Senate needs to be shaken up more badly than an etch-a-sketch with the Ten Commandments. Personally, I would support Chris Dodd because I like his attitude and sympathize with fellow prostrate cancer victims. Even though she's deadly serious, it seems like a joke candidacy to me. I never saw the bulk of Linda McMahon's on screen performances after 2002 in the WWF/WWE, but I can only imagine the kind of depraved shit that went on there. Is that befitting a US Senator? Certainly there are US Senators who have also acted inappropriately - Louisiana's David Vitter's diaper fetish comes to mind - but that usually wasn't on television. Linda did a lot more work behind the scenes than she did on-screen so I don't fully judge her based on simulated fellatio she probably performed on The Giant at some point, but we have enough problems with our politicians already. Do we need more?

Jake: Yes we do. If we didn't want politicians with problems we wouldn't have elected a former drug addict/born again Christian or a half black guy from Hawaii. Linda McMahon already knows how to deal with controversy. While she served as CEO of WWE she had to deal with religious and parent groups rallying against the company's cartoony take on real life issues like getting attacked in a hospital or having an identity crisis (see the video tape "The Three Faces of Foley" for more info). On top of that, as far as I know, she never simulated fellatio on anybody, possibly Vince, but never onscreen. All politicians have skeletons in their closets, Linda McMahon has skeletons that were roided up, hooked on pain pills and broadcast on television.

Glenn: What are her positions on the issue? Professional wrestling kills more people per year than any other sport, yet is very lightly regulated by the FDA, USDA and FWA (Federal Wrestling Agency). Is Linda McMahon going to get tough on this issue and support these agencies in what they attempt to do? I doubt it. That's like putting the fox in charge of the hen house or letting the inmates run the asylum. I don't know what their of those metaphors mean, but I do know that Linda McMahon would be as supportive of the war in Afghanistan as the President I voted for. Will she be a traditional Northeastern moderate Republican or a knuckle dragging tea bagger? This is a question Jake needs to answer as her campaign spokesman.

Jake: Glenn has come to this debate unprepared and expects me to hold his hand and list the issues for him. We are both writing this on the internet, yet my opponent cannot go to to lindamcmahonshouldbemysenator.com and read where she stands on the issues himself. All he can do is make cliched statements about foxes, chickens and their relations to houses. I think we can draw from her experience as CEO of WWE and as the onscreen character "Linda McMahon: CEO of WWE." We know she is a patriot and can be forgiving (she forgave Vince after his affair with Trish Stratus) what more could we ask for? Nothing.

Glenn: I visited that website - or should say TRIED to visit that website - but it was as broken as the promises Linda made to Steve Austin in the past decade. I don't think the kind of leadership Linda McMahon has shown in the WWE is the same the good people of Connecticut need out of a Senator. If we could trust her to be a moderate Republican then there would be a case to be made for her candidacy but in my eyes she's as unreliable as Earl Hebner's promises to Bret Hart that he wouldn't screw him at Survivor Series 1997 or Joe Lieberman's promises to the foolish Connecticut electorate that he would oppose the war and support health car reform in 2006. Connecticut already has one backstabbing, corrupt piece of shit representing them in the Senate, do they really need another one? If Linda McMahon makes a campaign promise to have Joe Lieberman put in the torture rack by Lex Luger (a move Lieberman would support if done to any Muslim), then she'd have my vote. Until then, I'll stick with Chris Dodd or whoever the Connecticut Democratic Party "tags in" as his replacement.