Business Proposal!!! (Scam Bait Vol. 5)

By Bub
From: Patrick Kw Chan
Subject: Business Proposal!!!


I am Patrick Chan Executive Director & Chief financial officer
Hang Seng Bank Ltd. I have a business suggestion for you. I will need
you to assist me execute a business transfer from Hong Kong to your
country. I shall provide you with more information immediately i get a
positive response from you. If interested please contact me via email:
p.kwchan@ir.ae

Kind Regards,
Patrick Chan


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Re: Business Proposal!!!
From: Bub
To: p.kwchan@ir.ae


Dear Patrick,

I hope you had a happy holiday this past weekend. In your country I believe they call it 'Thanksgiving'. In America we celebrate it by sitting in uncomfortably tight spaces at the dinner table and shopping in the middle of the night. This is in observance of ancestral traditions traced back to our country's founders - fat, fertile burglars. In Hong Kong instead of dinner tables there are long flowing silk carpets laid across the floor where food is placed and then consumed by smearing it onto unfurled tongues from dried monkey-paw utensils. Also shopping there is illegal. But of course you're shaking your food-covered monkey-paw at me right now from a Hong Kong jail for purchasing the rights to read this email. That is the difference between your country and mine, Patrick - we both celebrate Thanksgiving.

I am excited to report that I got your business suggestion over the past weekend. I was watching 'Cake Boss' on TLC and Buddy was making crytalized sugar atolls in the shape of the South Pacific nation Tuvalu. He had just finished dressing the central lagoon when he paused to look into the camera and implanted your proposition in my brain via invisible cake-waves. It was brilliant. Salt water. Who would have thought? Salt is the highest demand condiment in all restaurants that serve french fries (barely beating out ketchup, but miles ahead of fancy grade catsup). Just eat a salty order of fries? How about some water to wash them down? Those are questions that you asked my brain as Buddy from 'Cake Boss', as me, as a french-fry-restauranteur to the buying public. People even sell water in bottles! That's silly right? Wrong! Bottled water saves more lives than malaria. So pull the brakes on your rickshaw Patrick and put down that monkey-paw utensil and take a look over there, into Victoria Harbour. What do you see? That's right millions of gallons of that dynamic duo just laying there for the taking. Mocking you with its undulating waves and smug self-righteousness. Sure waves, I'd be giving free cleft-palate surgeries in the third world too if I'd have gone to Johns Hopkins, but I went to state school and I have a family to think about! It's about time to teach that jerk a lesson Patrick.

The beauty of the business proposal is its simplicity. Steal the oceans and sell them for profit. Stealing oceans is so much easier than stealing countries because, as you have always been quick to point out in the past, bullets don't work in water. The sky is really the limit here Patrick - we can make designer soft drinks, invisible jewelry, even Poseidon vaccines. And we can do it all from the convenience of living in the ocean. Don't fret, Patrick, I have already taken the liberty of water-proofing all your monkey paws and albino genitals. Don't own any albino genitals, you say? Well, Patrick my dear, you do now.

Your Sincerest Partner,
In Life and in Love,
Bub