Random Writing number one

By GARY

I am going to try and start posting some hopefully funny writings that I randomly do. They have no point, but I guess that is the point.....trippy isn't it.


I always wanted to be a writer. I always wanted to write something, and something I wrote. I wrote poems, biographies, and Goosebumps rip offs. The more I wrote the more I was filled with false encouragement, perhaps; that is too cynical. Some of the encouragement may have been somewhat deserved, but a lot of it was the fact that the adults around me never read a Goosebumps book and were unaware that 90% of my stories was just last month's R.L Stine book. My uncle just fours years older than me and my co-author would not be so kind as to let my blatant plagiarism go unnoticed especially, when it came to the story "Bee Car[e]ful What You Wish For!" a somewhat debatable plagrism of the Goosebumps "Be Careful What You Wish For!". Much like Vanilla Ice just a few years before me I argrued, "Stine's goes 'Ding ding ding dingy ding-ding.'...mine goes 'Ding ding ding ding dingy ding-ding.'"in my story the main character got turned into a bee not a bird like in Stine's creepy crawly tale.....it's completely different, but not unlike the Goosebumps were the boy gets turned into a bee. The adults were also not enough of TV sitcom scholars to know how factually inaccurate my Drew Carey Biography really was. I do think on some level I am a good writer, and people seem to read it and nod their heads slowly, smile at me, and hand back the paper I have just written. They usually say "that is good", "you should be a writer", and, "why is your grammar so awful?".

I slowly got away from writing. I dove into the dark underworld of Magic: Gathering. Every Saturday was the ultimate in nerd Church: Wake up eat some kind of wacky Cartoon/comic/TV show--based cereal, pop in a fresh recordable VHS hit record--watch/record the latest episode of MST3K-- all the while trying in vein to edit out the commercials by "hand", then I would head to the Card Shop...get my fix by way of a Mirage set booster pack, and like an alley way junkies we all circled up and injected ourselves with the wonderful drug MtG. This drug felt amazing. It made you feel like you had 20 lives and could fend off a 5/5 Shvian dragon. The aforementioned Uncle and I would than spend the rest of the evening playing video games, watching Mr. Bean and WCW Saturday Night "The Mother-ship". I still wrote--only this time it was fake Magic Cards. I designed such memorable cards as the "Child Molester", and one hilariously lampooning the Card Shop owner....or maybe those were the same card.