By Mikey
I used to hate mowing the lawn. Then I got a riding lawn mower. It's not as fun as taking a trip in the car, because I don't inevitably end up at an Arby's or Sizzler. I just end up in the garage, but at least the lawn is mowed for a couple weeks and my wife isn't yelling at me anymore.
When I see a person wearing a shirt with the Tazmanian Devil on it I know to avoid that person.
I don't mean to ruffle any feathers, but maybe the Church shouldn't tell people not to wear condoms.
Underdog is better as a giant balloon than it is as a live action movie. That was the last time I let my wife pick which movie we'd get from Netflix.
Donkey Kong Jr. is better than Donkey Kong, in my opinion.
Sometimes my neck hurts so much after I wake up from sleeping. Maybe I should do yoga, but I wouldn't even know where to begin.
Sometimes I buy chow mein noodles instead of Pringles.
I don't really find The Onion funny. It's just fake news stories, anybody could do that.
I find Mr. T's style of dress to be gaudy.
I'd rather protect my family with throwing stars instead of a gun. Guns are too loud.
Mr. Magoo isn't funny at all. He's just blind. Nothing funny about disabilities.
I'm not a huge Johnny Depp fan, but I'd definitely let his character Edward Scissorhands give me a haircut.
I just got a bunch of new fishing lures.
Superman is actually a really good scientist. I think people overlook that usually.
I wish they'd stop making movies based off of 80s cartoons. I'm moving to Antarctica if a Pound Puppies movie comes out.
I bet I could eat more hamburgers than Jughead.
you don't think the onion's funny?! i think this is the first times our opinions have ever differed on anything.
ReplyDeletei have neck troubles too. sometimes yoga helps, sometimes it doesn't. nothing helps as much as three G&Ts and a handful of ibuprofen, though... try that.
You can drive your lawnmower to fast food restaurants where I live as long as you wear a helmet and power the mower on biofuels.
ReplyDeleteI want to tell you how much I enjoyed this, but I don't even know where to begin.
ReplyDeleteStart with the truth and then go from there.
ReplyDeleteI would not let Edward Scissor hands give me a haircut.
ReplyDeletechow mein noodles? you're so exotic.
ReplyDeleteMIKEY WRITE AN ONION ARTICLE...PUT YOUR MONEY WHERE YOUR MOUTH IS!
ReplyDelete