Dissecting Aerosmith's "Dude Looks Like a Lady"

By Jake

Way back at the beginning of One Year in Texas, I bestowed on "Dude Looks Like a Lady" the dishonor of being the worst popular song in the history of music. The article itself has some funny moments, but overall I feel that it could have been better. Now, six months later, I'm going to take the song to task once again as I dissect it. If you've never heard this song (consider yourself lucky), but if you're still curious click here.

(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady

That dude (man) looks like a lady (woman). This is an intro to get you excited about the possibilities of a man looking like a woman. Not very exciting, but it gives you time to turn back before you're swallowed up into the void that is this song.

Cruised into a bar on the shore
Her picture graced the grime on the door
She a long lost love at first bite
Baby maybe you're wrong, but you know it's all right
That's right

Aerosmith is hanging out on the Jersey shore and they decide to go into a bar for a nightcap. "Her" picture is hung up on the door, which is quite dirty. She bites Aerosmith (Aerosmith the man, not Aerosmith the band) and he falls in love instantly. Perhaps the dude is a vampire, but this is the only line that leads you to that kind of conclusion. Even though Aerosmith starts to come to the realization that the lady might not be quite as "she" seems, he stills feels that it is right, that's right.

(That, that)
(That, that)

That, that, that, that. This is the most cryptic message in the song.

Backstage we're having the time
Of our lives until somebody say
Forgive me if I seem out of line
Then she whipped out her gun
And tried to blow me away

Now Aerosmith is backstage at one of their rock and roll shows, seemingly making out and perhaps receiving fellatio. Then, out of nowhere, "she" whips out her gun (a phallus and not the weapon of the same name) and tries to "blow" Aerosmith away. I'm not sure how the dude who looks like a lady is trying to blow Aerosmith away. Maybe the dude's penis is that powerful, like a leaf blower or an industrial fan.

(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady

Now, we know that the dude looks like a lady, and this is the reaffirmation.

So never judge a book by it's cover
Or who you're going to love by your lover
Love put me wise to her love in disguise
She had the body of a venus
Lord imagine my surprise

Aerosmith now admits to being bisexual, because he goes beyond gender to find a lover. He will love the person for their bodies (as long as it's Venus-like) and not based upon their genitals. This is sort of a coming out song, I guess.

(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady

Once again.

Baby let me follow you down
Let me take a peek dear
Baby let me follow you down
Do me, do me, do me all night
Baby let me follow you down
Turn the other cheek dear
Baby let me follow you down
Do me, do me, do me, do me

This is Aerosmith basically begging this dude for some versatile anal sex. "Turn the other cheek dear" means that Aerosmith is the top and "Do me (repeated)" is where Aerosmith is the bottom.

Ooh what a funky lady
She like it, like it, like it, like that,
Ooh he was a lady

Although Aerosmith has participated in some hardcore versatile anal sex and even knows how the dude likes it, he still can't come to terms with him being a man and not a woman. Aerosmith is openly bisexual, but still has a bit of a difficulty coming to terms with his sexuality.

(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady

Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady

This is the ultimate realization that it is a man and Aerosmith will scream it at the top of his lungs until he can fully accept it.

(That that) ya ya ya yya ya yya ya chit chit yaow

I guess this is scat singing. I have no idea, because it makes no sense.

(That, that)
(That, that)

I would assume this is Aerosmith finally getting tired or running out of breath from yelling about the dude looking like a lady.

This truly is the worst popular song of all time, even six months later. Within these six months Brittney Spears scored a huge hit with "If You Seek Amy" and this is still the worst popular song.