One Week in Entertainment {05-16-09}

By Kaleena

Well - I guess I just have no excuse this week. I know, I know, I promised to have this at it's usual 7 A.M. time, but it's not what you think. No,I wasn't spending time on other projects. I mean - this is so important to me, how could you even think that? It's okay, I forgive you. Let's just get pasts this ugliness shall we?

Heidi Klum and Seal renewed their vows by dressing up like trailer folk (trash is a little strong). How does Seal get away with not having a real name? Or is that his real name? Hey, it's cool either way, I'm not really here to judge. I just do it for fun.

Farrah Fawcett is still battling anal cancer and I wish her the best. There is no joke I'd feel good about making here. Sometimes I just go a little soft.

Prince William let his guard down a bit much after a polo-match and was caught putting his arm around his girlfriend and smiling. What a man-whore. Sometimes those prince's just don't think the same rules apply to them.

Keifer Sutherland's lawyer says he didn't necessarily do anything wrong. He was possibly framed by a guy who looked exactly like him,also happened to be really good friends with Brooke Shields and answers to the name Keifer. Anything is possible.

Kim Kardashian revealed that it was in fact her step-father, Bruce Jenner, who received the mysterious Kardashian family plastic surgery. He got a second facelift-which didn't help at all. Not even a little. He still looks very creepy.

Nick Cannon is not letting Eminem get away with the shit he talks about Mariah Carey on his new album Relapse/span>. He was appalled that Em would even think about attacking his newest bride, who happens to be Em's ex. So Nick - have you ever,and I do mean ever heard Eminem? And,stupid-ass Nick Cannon, have you ever heard what Eminem does to people who challenge him, verbally? He will rip you a new asshole for your closet boyfriend to fuck. In conclusion, my advice would be to just take it like the bitches you and your wife both are.

Ever wonder what the cast of the original Star Trek is up to these days? Me neither.

Christopher Reeve's son Matthew, who's mom is not Dana but Gae Exton, is going to run in a marathon Nov. 1st to raise money for his dad's foundation. So anyone in NYC Nov.1st should get off the couch and run right along with him. Check out 'from couch to 5k'. Yes I could post a link - I could.

A Miami priest who is known for giving advice on Spanish-language television and radio, is under the microscope for a relationship that is blossoming between him and an un-named brunette. For reference, his name is Rev. Alberto Cutie (with an accent over the e, but seriously, that's his last name) and he is hot! I don't believe God ever really meant for this man to be a priest. Look him up - really. There's no way.

Oprah posed with her new puppy (and about 5 others) for the cover of her magazine's new issue. Oprah seemed happy, but the puppy was quoted as saying: "I feel that I can truly relate to those who feel suicide is really all they can do to fix their situations."

Vanessa Hudgens says she'd get nude for the right role. Yeah? Well I'd get nude for a few grand. Just saying - the offer's out there.

Helen Philips won The Biggest Loser this season by dropping 140 lbs. Guess who'll be on the cover of people talking about how they need to lose the 100 lbs. she's packed on in the year?

Nicole Kidman opted out of working with Woody Allen in his newest project. Probably a good idea for her, but I will always love Woody Allen none-the-less.

Lindsay Lohan lives in a pig-sty. Literally - behind some farm in LA. At least that's what the LAPD seemed to think after they responded to the burglar alarm that went off in her house. Upon investigation, they realized it may have just been tripped but they spent some time anyway, taking pictures for 'evidence' and extra cash from such classy publications such as US Weekly and The Enquirer.

Paulina Porizkova was axed from America's Next Top Model because producers felt she had too much of an ego problem. A model with a huge ego? Wowing us yet again ANTM!

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are turning Oyster Bay upside down! Now that the town has woken up from it's dream to realize the reality of the situation, it seems all the house-moms have decided to ditch their day suits of sweat pants and "flip flops" for actual clothing and make-up. That's right ladies - Brad is going to just jump at the chance to leave the sexiest woman in the world for your schlumpy asses. And all it's going to take is a little lipstick. Ready....set....GO!

Shannon Moakler, co-director of the Miss California USA organization, stepped down after Carrie Prejean was allowed to keep her crown after top-less photos of her resurfaced and she openly thinks gays should not get to marry. Let the countdown to the apocalypse begin!

Keifer Sutherland says he's "felt a lot of support" through these horrible accusations of doing a wrestling move and head-butting a guy who's supposedly is Brooke Shield's best friend in the whole world, or something like that. What the hell? He didn't shoot the guy! This whole country's gone so damn soft. Whatever happened to the cops looking at the "victim" and saying, "well, you shouldn't have been an asshole.". Those were the days.

Congrats to Wanda Sykes and her wife for the birth of their twins! And good luck when the awkward sex talk comes around!

Rob Lowe was being sued by two of his former nannies on sexual-harassment suits and one of the nannies is a very pretty nanny. Not that the other isn't ; I just didn't see a picture. However, all parties decided to have them dismissed before they went too far. Good thinking. There's just no telling where this one would've ended, seriously.

Lindsay Lohan is set to star in the new movie The Other Side. An independent comedy fantasy that will also b starring Woody Harrelson, Giovani Rubisi, Alanis Morisette and last but certainly no-less famous, Dave Matthews. The movie will begin taping in October, so be sure to check future TV Guides for show-times.

Pink and her once-ex husband, that motocross guy, are back together and considering a second wedding. Why ruin a good thing? I mean, they've done it once, is there really a need to test fate twice?

Turns out Lohan's house was victim to an attempted burglary - but the pig-styness is still her own.

Okay, duty calls. I must now go to my real job and make some money. I spent some real time on this so let me know what you think.