One Week in Entertainment {05-09-09}

By Kaleena

Welcome to a very special Mother's Day edition of One Week! I saved it all up for just this occasion so to all you legitimate mothers (and all those teenage outcasts who just couldn't wait until a legitimate and responsible age for children - but I'm not judging) I give you what you've been waiting for.

The father of Jamie-Lynn Spears's daughter, Casey Aldridge, was released from the hospital after he flipped his truck due to too much of a good time at his bachelor party. They said he had a minor head injury that won't produce any permanent damage. Well, that's just debatable.

Elisabeth Hasselback says she's not even thinking about this third pregnancy. She was quoted as saying; " Pregnancy? What prenancy? I look just....oh God. Oh my God, I'm pregnant? Tim is going to flip!."

Eric Bana released a documentary on muscle cars. Who's Eric Bana? I don't know and honestly I wouldn't have cared if I didn't love muscle cars myself.

Madonna's still trying to adopt that little Malawian girl, but her biological father, who just recently surfaced, says he wants to keep her. Good luck Madonna!

Oprah Winfrey is out to torment America yet again by helping Jenny McCarthy get her own talk show. Okay on behalf of Mother's Day....well, no. I just can't bring myself to fake joy about this. But Happy Mother's Day to you Jenny McCarthy, none the less.

Coldplay is being accused of plagiarism - yet again. Anyone surprised? Anybody? Anybody?

Eminem is out of rehab and back with a new album Relapse. No, the title is not ironic. He went to rehab because he had an addiction to pills that spiraled into a 20 pill-a-day addiction. These figures always amaze me - only if the person gets back up, that is.

Kate Perry found a way to make swine flu cute? She bought a 'flying pig' ring in Florida. The strangest part of this story was at the end she discusses a conversation she had about the various animal flues with her cat - yes, her cat. Yes, she's insane.

Meg White is engaged to Jackson Smith (son of Patti and Fred Smith) and they're set to marry sometime this year. Congrats Meg! Another achievement from this story - I find out Meg was in fact married to Jack before. It's like a weight just took flight from my shoulders. It feels great..

Everyone's favorite comedian, Dom DeLuise, died Monday at the ripe-ol' age of 75. Congrats on making it to 75 DeLuise and condolences to your friends and family. The article,however,failed to mention his brilliant role in the classic Robin Hood: Men in Tights. Then again, was that Dom DeLuise? You know...I don't recall and don't care enough to look it up. Well either way - good show DeLuise!

People.com asks; Should Miley Cyrus dye her hair dark again? Well, should she? All you grocery-store line critics who voice your opinion to whomever will listen like you matter - should she? Now's your chance, so speak up dammit! What...cat got your tongue? Good! Maybe next time you'll learn to keep your stupid no-matter opinions to yourselves!
On that note - remember this Miley (who I believe has this particular article bookmarked and is sad I didn't post it yesterday); blonds have more fun, but brunettes break hearts in much greater numbers.

Bebe Neuwirth (of Fraiser fame) finally found someone else to agree to marry her. Congrats!

Paula Abdul talked to Ladies Home Journal about her previous addiction to painkillers. God, this woman will do anything to stay famous, right? Am I right? I'm sorry Paula.

Maggie Gyllenhaal and Paul Saasgard tied the knot (that means they got married) in Italy. Congratulations you two - Italy definitely has to be the place to get married. All the cool kids go to Italy!

Kirstie Alley acknowledges she's gained 83 lbs. since her stint as a Jenny Craig spokesperson. Really? We needed her to acknowledge that for us? I mean - it's really pretty obvious. Really,really obvious. Elephant in the room obvious. No pun intended.
All kidding aside (for now), I wish her the best of luck because....well,all kidding aside so nevermind.

Kiefer Sutherland headbutted a designer outside a bar because he stepped in and interrupted a conversation he was having with Brooke Shields. Well that'll teach the little bastard! I'm not sure which one, but someone's going to learn a lesson here! Especially since the NYPD is looking to charge someone - look out Kiefer and stop drunkenly headbutting people for Christ's sake!

Dakota Fanning is going to be in the Twilight movie based on the book New Moon. I am really,really tempted to watch the movie, thought I know it's going to suck. You ever get that?

Kate Perry shared the story of her fake Vegas wedding 3 years ago to her now ex. Man, this girl's such a prankster!

It looks like Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson are toying with possibly getting back together again. Hmmm....Ronson's career must be on a downward spiral. That butchy bitch. Stop playing with LeLo's heart!

Okay, I'm just going to let this quote speak for itself. This is Megan Fox's take on being a sex-symbol: "I don't want to have to be like a Scarlett Johansson – who I have nothing against," she says, "but I don't want to have to go on talk shows and pull out every single SAT word I've ever learned to prove, like, 'Take me seriously, I am intelligent, I can speak.' I don't want to have to do that. I resent having to prove that I'm not a retard – but I do. And part of it is my own fault."
Oooo....snap! Sorry Megan, but that was a total burn on Scarlett - a hilarious burn, but I feel a possible cat-fight in the wind.

Lance Armstrong says Sheryl Crow's need for marriage and children was the reason for their break-up. Ouch! Seriously, though. Why can't kids just be enough, ladies? I mean, both pressures on a stud like Lance could just break the guy in half quite literally. It's a disturbing sight.

Mia Farrow was instructed by her doctors to end her hunger strike because she was getting to the point where seizures were becoming a possible reality. She said she was getting weaker every day and found getting out of bed even a difficult task. Well Mia, who knew starving yourself at 64 would take such a toll? Though I have the up-most respect for the fact this woman knows how to protest the old fashioned way, who the hell thinks they're really going to make their point in a hunger strike?

Finally, Jimmy Falon finally received his diploma in communications. I guess he just forgot about it until he became famous and realized it would be easier to acquire that way. Congratulations Jimmy!

What....you wanted all mother related news? Well that's not the real world, sadly, but I hope you enjoyed this none-the-less. Next week's should appear at it's regular time since I have the day before Saturday (that'd be Friday) off. Have a great week folks.