From the Vault: Seeing Soupy Sales

By Scott

Due to events out of our hands, we will not be wishing you a good morning today. If you would like to help us with the good morning article then please contact us because we'd love to have your help. For now enjoy this classic OYIT post from October 25, 2002, about the legendary comedian Soupy Sales.


(In case you don't know who Soupy Sales is, he is a man with googly eyes and an unusual, synthetic looking hairdo. He was on several game shows from the 60s to the 70s, and he was always quick with a joke or an innocent put-down. He is probably dead these days.)

I once saw Soupy Sales digest a 12 year old box of condoms, then teach a child how to walk.

I once saw Soupy Sales play 67 consecutive games of backgammon, then kill everybody living in an apartment complex just by flexing his bicep

I once saw Soupy Sales make a convincing argument as to why glass should be considered food, then he won the world tournament of salad dressing.

I once saw Soupy Sales give a lecture at Vas Deferens University, then sell a Sega Genesis to Clyde Drexler.

I once saw Soupy Sales wed a Cadillac, then break its heart over dinner just to win a bet with Bob Costas.

I once saw Soupy Sales arm-wrestle a deaf/mute panda bear just because DMX fell over a banister made of Swiss cheese.

I once saw Soupy Sales get stoned with a canvas bag, then steal the stars from the sky only using his ears.

Twice I saw Soupy Sales torture a booger by tickling it with a feather, then tape an entire season of "Wings" over his dad's 3rd favorite porn video.

I may have imagined it, but I think I saw Soupy Sales bail out of a fast shopping cart on Rainbow Road of Super Mario Kart, then turn his attention to a member of the 1919 Chicago Black Sox getting raped by a Puerto Rican.

I once saw Soupy Sales cry over losing a freestyle gift wrapping challenge to Mighty Joe Young, then change his ICQ alias to "BITCHTITS".

I saw Soupy Sales contort his body into 1,000 different positions to celebrate his kitten's 1,000th birthday, then clean his zit filled chest with toxic ooze.

I once saw Soupy Sales jog himself into a rental car, then hold the stick-shift hostage for a handful of dimes. (Which were given to him promptly.)

I once saw Soupy Sales strip down to his bubble gum flavored briefs, then swear to Jesus Sanchez that it was to impress the cast of "2001: A Space Travesty".

I once saw Soupy Sales donate his earnings from the year 1792 to a golf club, then vomit all over his Garfield "Study...I think NOT" bib.

I once saw Soupy Sales mind his manners while eating breakfast with a VCR, then refuse to pay the waitress because she looked to much like Jonathon Winters.

I once saw Soupy Sales invent the tractor, then sing duet with Estonia (via satellite).

I once saw Soupy Sales do research for a paper he had to write by screaming the Lord's Prayer at his Ken doll, then organize his scarves according to weight.

I once saw Soupy Sales boycott Gatorade for their use of racial slurs in their commercials and films, then flush an entire month's worth of "Slylock Fox and Comics For Kids" down the toilet.

I once saw Soupy Sales neglect to inspect a turtledove's suitcase, and then do back-flips until the parrot evolved.

I saw Soupy Sales sell soup, then kill himself.

If anyone has spotted Soupy doing anything bizarre or soupy, notify One Year in Texas. Thank you.