Good Morning OYIT [March 13, 2009]

By Katy

It's Friday the 13th! But that's hardly exciting because it happened last month. If you're like me and nothing out of the ordinary happened February 13th, you're equally unmoved by March 13th because you're not credulous and sleep most of the day away anyway--whew! Lucky you. Well, that's not entirely true. One bad thing happened to me already today. I was going to eat Indian food for lunch today with some friends, but now we're not going until Sunday. I hope your day fairs better than mine.


Today's Weather


So I thought it would be fun to check out some sky coverages for the day. Honestly, all of today's maps were massively boring, at least US maps. I'm not even going to pretend to care about Britain today. I took Nate's advice and checked out the maps on weather.gov. Surprisingly, Nate was right and they had some pretty amazing maps. For example, due to the above I now know I will be experiencing rather open skies throughout my sleeping day. And guess what? If you check out the precipitation map, you'll find precipitation falls mainly where there are clouds. Writing this article has taught me more than all my college classes combined.

Today's Theatrical Releases

The Last House on the Left (R)
Yet another remake of a classic horror movie about a house. The first time I saw the preview for this I thought they were releasing Amityville Horror II 3-D: The Second Coming. It's not though -- but it's still about a mean old house gettin' all up in the face of some kid with no one but mommy dearest to save them. I'm sure she'll get beaten, bloodied, and all the while blubbering until, god-willing, some man comes in to save the day; or rape her. Yeah. This movie is rated R for "sadistic brutal violence including rape and disturbing images, language, nudity, and some drug use." I hope that helped you to want to see it more, because that's classy. The likelihood of me seeing this movie on a scale from 1-10, 10 being most likely, is a 3. Why? Because undoubtedly I'll be somewhere, sometime, and someone will force me to. The rape of the minds by sadistic rape movies.

Miss March (R)
These new age welcome-to-kids-today romantic comedies aren't leaving us alone any time soon. And let me tell you, this premise sells it.
A nice, young man arises one day from a four year coma his father drunkenly helped him into when his 401K crashed. The first beautiful face he wants to see upon wakening is that of his beloved, pure, virginal girlfriend. But, she's nowhere to be found! Why? Cuz now she's a Playboy centerfold! I'm tellin' ya, you can't write this stuff! But Zach Gregger and Trevor Moore did anyway. So, this up and coming comedic duo make a hilarious and heart-warming trek to the mansion to break into a party and win back coma boy's beloved. Hi-jinx ensues. Abbott & Costello, I hope your ears are perking in those graves cuz these fellas are givin' you a run for your money! I can't wait, I already pre-ordered my ticket.

Race to With Mountain (PG)

O.M.G. I am so excited about this movie, and I have no idea why. I know Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson has been in several other movies already, but this one takes the cake. We all know and love the Witch Mountain series (except me, I've never seen any of them). Well, now we find ourselves on a magical journey with a Las Vegas cabbie (Johnson), who upon picking up two teenagers embarks on said race to the mythological wonderland, Witch Mountain. These aren't your standard teens, oh no friends. These puppies have themselves some super powers. Through numerous hardships and laughs, the teens, along with The Rock, will learn not just from one another--but hopefully something about themselves, too. Take the kids!

This Day In History

1519: Cortes lands in Mexico (creating gangs from natives and gangs of babies)

1781: The planet we now know as Uranus (originally Georgium Sidius) discovered by Sir William Herschel. [insert rectal humor] (oh dang, that's what she said.)

1868: President Andrew Johnson's impeachment trial begins (second time's the charm.)

1906: Susan B. Anthony dies (14 years before the passage of the 19th amendement; we make up for this tardy by turning her legacy into money.)

1921: Mongolia declares its independence from China.

1925: The Butler Act makes teaching evolution in Tennessee a BIG no-no. (until 1967 when one teacher merely states it violates their first amendment rights and Tennessee is like.... "okay.")

1930 Pluto is discovered by Clyde W. Tombaugh. (Declared not a planet in 2006, except in Illinois where change is too frightening and they haven't bought a new textbook since 1983.)

1950: General Motors reports record sales at $656,434,232. (Bad time?)

1965:Jeff Beck replaces Eric Clapton as guitarist, much to the dismay of Yardbirds fans everywhere.

1996: Dunblane Massacre. Former scout leader, Thomas Watt Hamilton open fires on a primary school in Dunblane, Scotland killing 16 children and 1 adult before Hamilton takes his own life.

Have a pleasant day!

Today's Literary Feature

I'm currently reading Neil Gaiman's American Gods. It's about gods in America, both new and old (the gods, not America). The old gods seem to really like the Midwest and they travel from Illinois to Wisconsin to Illinois to Minnesota and that's about all that's happened thus far; I'm a little more than halfway through. Not to say I'm not enjoying myself, I love Neil, but this book is one secretive, little minx! Basically, what I can surmise is this: the old gods (of myth and legend) have become to us what Mickey Rourke is to film; uninteresting, unimportant, and Oscar-less. Struggling to re-capture their Oscar, the old gods want to take on the newbies (gods of television, sex, violence, etc.), but the old gods are basically slobbering drunks (maybe that was a better Mickey Rourke reference). I'm expecting much hilarity to ensue. If nothing else, the ongoing mention of insignificant Illinois towns allows American Gods to nestle up in that special place in my heart. More to come.

Pun of the Day

Are giraffes good pets or are they too high maintenance?

courtesy of www.punoftheday.com

That's it for this morning folks, have a good one!