Good Morning from OYIT [February 20th]

By Glenn

Good morning. To start off the weekend (which to me begins as soon as you wake up Friday morning), I'd like to share a very special article with you. Last night I posted an essay about my speed dating experience. You might be wondering why I'm plugging the article right before this one instead of talking about your day, but don't you see? Only once you find out my experience dating women for four minutes at a time will you be able to truly enjoy your day. So please read it and think about how you find one, just one, four minute date for this weekend.

[I asked people to suggest sections in yesterday's edition. Two people did. The pessimist in me says that's because only two people read it. The optimist agrees, but says that two is better than zero.]


Today's Weather

I decided to focus on Canada's weather today for two reasons. Part of it is the huge upswing in Canadian visitors since last week's Hi Katy where Katy suggested someone move to Canada and also complimented the work of John Candy. The other reason is because Barack Obama visited Canada yesterday. It seems like every time I look at a weather map there it gets colder but if that were true the temperature there by now would be less than negative one million degrees. Could that be possible? I'll have to bring in a weather expert on Monday to know for sure.

Today's High Level Diplomatic Visit
Today we have two. There is, of course, Barack Obama's recent visit to Canada. In the attached picture you can see that Canada has their own version of Michelle Obama, which made our President feel very at home. Her name is Michaelle Jean as well! I guess it's true what they say about Canada: they have everything we have, but slightly colder.

The other high level visit today was Secretary of State Hillary Clinton visiting North Korea:

At a news conference in the South Korean capital, Seoul, she called North Korea's threats of missile tests as provocative and unhelpful.

"(South) Korea's achievement of democracy and prosperity stands in stark contrast to the tyranny and poverty across the border to the North," she said.

It's nice to find someone willing to stand up to North Korea; I just wish she could have stood up to her husband he had an affair with that intern or ignored the Rwandan genocide. This situation actually reminds me of the teenagers that hang out near my house. I always walk past a group of them and try not to make eye contact in the hopes they will leave me alone. But they always try to provoke me. They say "Hey nerd, we have a nuclear weapon!" and I can see that they do have what looks like a low level, compressed tactical nuke. I don't want to make them mad in the fear they detonate it, so I give them bags of rice instead. I wish Hillary Clinton lived in my neighborhood instead of Monica Lewinsky.


Today's Webcam Site
Out of the many websites on the internet (over 30,000 at least check), a few have webcam feeds on them. Even fewer have quality webcam feeds, but Vanderbilt University's Rand Gallery Webcam is by far the most provocative, erotic, thoughtful, frustrating and open webcam site on the internet. I can't embed a link here, but I will provide a screen capture:

This is from when no one was IN the gallery, so you have to use your imagination (or click the link above) to really appreciate its full glory. Writing this from Canada, I am legally forbidden from describing everything I've seen while viewing this webcam. Let's just say made Virginia Tech look like a fucking birthday party.


Today's Prediction
Readers will realize if they request a feature in the comments section, I will actually feature it. Hillary Clinton will realize that if she requests North Korea to disable their nuclear weapons program, they will actually stop it. The Canadian Intelligence Agency will realize that if they attempt to halt me from using a Canadian IP to commit crimes on the Vanderbilt Rand Gallery webcam, I will actually destroy them.