Worst Popular Song: Dude Looks Like a Lady

By Jake

(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady

Cruised into a bar on the shore
Her picture graced the grime on the door
She a long lost love at first bite
Baby maybe you're wrong, but you know it's all right
That's right

(That, that)
(That, that)

Backstage we're having the time
Of our lives until somebody say
Forgive me if I seem out of line
Then she whipped out her gun
And tried to blow me away

(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady

So never judge a book by it's cover
Or who you're going to love by your lover
Love put me wise to her love in disguise
She had the body of a venus
Lord imagine my surprise

(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady

Baby let me follow you down
Let me take a peek dear
Baby let me follow you down
Do me, do me, do me all night
Baby let me follow you down
Turn the other cheek dear
Baby let me follow you down
Do me, do me, do me, do me

(Guitar solo)

Ooh what a funky lady
She like it, like it, like it, like that,
Ooh he was a lady

(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady
(That, that) Dude looks like a lady

Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady
Dude, dude, dude, dude looks like a lady

(That that) ya ya ya yya ya yya ya chit chit yaow

(That, that)
(That, that)
[Repeat and fade]

There is a long history of terrible pop songs in America. At one point jazz made by white people was popular. Everybody knows that white people play jazz like this [uptight] and black people play jazz like this [loose and easy]. In my 26 years as a living person, I have never heard a song as insipidly stupid as "Dude Looks Like a Lady" by rock "legends" Aerosmith.

Now, one may argue that perhaps this is the true story of one of the members of Aerosmith who was backstage making out with transvestite, who upon whipping out his gun nearly blew them away. The lyrics toward the end of the song perhaps have the singer trying to rationalize that the dude in fact was a lady. We all know otherwise. We know that Aerosmith is into some gay shit, and that's fine. Aerosmith, it's okay to be gay. Everybody is gay. Don't try to make us think that the dude is a lady when the title of your song tells us otherwise.

I don't necessarily mind that this song exists. There are plenty of stupider songs. My sole problem is that if, Allah forbid, I turn on the radio (like it's 1952) there's a fairly good chance that this song will be playing. This is inexcusable.

Perhaps this article is unfair to the terrible band Aerosmith. You're wrong, if anything it is too lenient. Aerosmith is like Jason Voorhees the band, they are unstoppable and will never die. Just when you think they are dead they release a bullshit song on a movie soundtrack (like Armageddon) or a video game based soley on their diarrhetic music (Revolution X, Guitar Hero: Aerosmith).

Look, Aerosmith isn't as bad as Van Halen or hundreds of other "hard rock" bands, but there's a special place in hell for them. A place where the patrons of Ozzfest rock out while Satan forces them to perform analingus on bulls with pulsating hemroids. At least that's what I have to keep telling myself in order to sleep at night.