Good Morning from OYIT [Fri Jan 30]

By Glenn

Good morning. I was thinking about starting a separate twitter account (besides the current one) for this column - something like @goodmorningOYIT. That way you could get little tweets texted to your cell phone throughout the morning, telling you things like the current temperature or the ongoing civilian body count in Israel's newest invasion. It's probably a bad idea and would get you in trouble at work. I apologize for even bringing it up.

[I don't have a "Twitter" and I don't know anyone who does.]



Today's Weather

I didn't use a national map since I'm going to give you your forecast for the entire weekend, not just today. The following forecast will apply to everyone in the continental United States.
Friday It's going to be cold with record snowfalls. Large bodies of water will rise up around you and fighter ships may appear in the distance. The world as you know it will cease to exist.
Saturday Armed paramilitary troopers will appear. All of a sudden your life will turn into a nightmarish version of Red Dawn. Temperatures drop below -60 degrees and your previous sense of morality will disappear forever. People you once considered friends will do things that would horrify you to read about, let alone watch with your own eyes.
Sunday Partly cloudy in the afternoon with a slight chance of sprinkles in the early evening.


Today's Movie Release
The Pink Panther 2 hits theatres today - as if the country isn't going through enough right now. I would post a link to the trailer but Jake said we're not allowed to post "obscene material." Some day I will write a column of things I would rather do than see [insert movie here] and this movie would be a good contender for those brackets. I, of course, haven't seen it, nor do I know what it's about. All I know is it wasn't reviewed in the issue of Fangoria I got in my US mailbox yesterday so I don't like it. Please don't go see this movie tonight, even on a date - or a dare.


Today's Tip for New Parents

“What a child is doing when he puts things in his mouth is allowing his immune response to explore his environment,” Mary Ruebush, a microbiology and immunology instructor, wrote in her new book, “Why Dirt Is Good."

This is from an article talking about how babies are actually doing a good thing when they put dirty things into their mouths. As new parents, we are often overprotective of what our baby or child does. Perhaps we could stand to be a little more trusting of a baby's judgment on what goes in its mouth and a host of other things. Perhaps you should start asking your baby which stocks to buy. Perhaps you should ask your baby who to vote for in the municipal elections coming up in April. Perhaps, finally, you should trust your baby when it says NOT to go see Pink Panther 2 this weekend.


Today's Prediction
You're going to see Pink Panther 2, and the mercenary snow troops I hired won't be able to stop you.